I saw a woman rubbing her pregnant belly on the street. I wanted to flick this at her face. Is that wrong? ~Maha's Cell
Blog Date: 2/22/7
I'm so fucking gross. Sometimes I amaze myself. Still, I'm in a strange mood today. People keep asking me over and over again how I'm doing on my studies. I keep lying and saying I'm doing well when the truth is that I'm not doing anything at all. I studied a few days last week and just stopped. Since my cousin’s kid ended up sick as hell I just haven't been able to pick back up where I left off. My mood keeps spiking in strange directions. I'm happy, I'm sad, I feel a little out of it, I'm overly tired, I'm gassy, I'm nauseous, I'm FUCKING ANGRY as hell and I just don't know what the fuck to do. I keep taking my meds, but what the hell are they supposed to do? The only reason I take them is to help me keep my hands to myself, stop being so verbally abusive to my husband and allow me to manage not to hurt myself. They're not happy pills. I don't take happy pills. I take please-don't-murder-your-husband pills, but maybe I should...the happy pills I mean...take the happy pills. lol
I can't stand to be too peppy though. Can you imagine me peppy? I would look like a crazy person. No, I'm happy being occasionally peppy. Like when I'm on Live. I can be peppy and happy then. In my world, the one where I walk and talk and co-exist with co-workers, neighbors and even family, I'm just an outspoken bitch that doesn't like it when strangers touch her. Hell I don't like it when anyone touches me. My skin crawls. You may not know that about me. Now you do. Even when I'm the one that touches you, my skin is crawling even if just for a moment. Doesn't happen with Rigid. Strange.
Anyway, I was in a funny mood yesterday. I uploaded all my cell phone pic's to my Flickr account which is a really cool feature. So since I had no pictures on my camera I decided I needed to start filling it up with crap again. I was on my way home and on one of my little highs. (Bi-Polar highs) I say little because...well, I don't exactly feel like I could climb a mountain or anything. I'm just abnormally giddy and weird. Couldn't think of anything better to do on my drive home and I also couldn't breath as usual. I've no idea why I don't do this while I'm in the bathroom at work. Maybe it's become habit or maybe I like being disgusting. I picked my nose and started to laugh like a maniac at myself when I grabbed my camera and snapped a picture. As I did this, while driving mind you, I spotted a pregnant woman on the sidewalk facing the street and rubbing her belly. I had a deep and rageful urge to screech to a halt, jump out of my car and flick it in her pregnant eye. (I'M FUCKING JOKING! Please don't ever flick your bogies on anyone, it's unhygienic. *whispers* No I'm not. You know the truth don't you Azbats? *snicker*) Bitch.
I'm only angry because my period is late again or so it seems. My body is about to betray me once again and I'm getting angry. The past few weeks I've been having strange symptoms at the wrong time of the month. Now I'm so tired all the time. I'm napping when I get home and falling asleep too late. My schedule is a complete mess and let me tell you something. Disrupting a bi-polars sleep patter is like waking up a bear in the middle of winter. Nothing good can come of it. I always make sure I get enough sleep, but the thing is that when your bi-polar you can get 2-3 hrs of sleep and feel like you slept 8 hrs. That's how my sister and I can party all night long on a Saturday night, sleep 3 hrs maybe 4, wake up feeling like champions and take the kids to Disneyland with a hangover and not come home until midnight. We'd probably be pooped out by 6pm, but we'd keep on going until the kids crash HARD. That's the only time when it's cool to be me. The rest of the time...ballsuckage.
The rest of the time I sit here wondering when and if I'll be lucky enough to get pregnant. What will I do? What will I buy? How much will my life change? Then funny things start to happen to me. My body reacts in strange ways and I start to believe this might be it. Maybe this month I'm nauseous, maybe last month I was farting too much, maybe next month I'll be ravenous or my boobs will hurt too much or I'll get to fucking veiny. In the end the result is the same. I'm still not pregnant. But because there's this horrible little glimmer of hope I end up going threw a slew of emotions. Right now I feel none of them. I just feel one. Anger. Total and complete anger. The resentful kind I guess.
So, no. I won't actually throw a booger at someone’s face. I'll pretend to, and maybe I want to. If your Rigid you'll get it smeared on your cheek or your arm. Shut up, if you haven't already done it to your lover you should. It's funny. Especially when they jump up off their seat with this horrified look on their face. The look of shock and disgust when you first do it is more than enough to make you shit and piss your pants in simultaneous glory. After that you'll end up running away from them half the time for fear they'll stick one in your butt. That's my life ladies and gentlemen. I'm still the BoogerBug!!!!