Thursday, February 7, 2008

The Gameadventures

I can't even beging to express the extreme and intense fucking shitty ass stupid god damned boredom I feel. There is no possible way for me to emote this... What the fuck does emote mean anyway? I emote you! Quiet you, I know what emote means.

I've grown so bored in fact I've stared at page after page, blog after blog, read word after word and I get nothing. Absolutely nothing out of it. Don't get me wrong, I have things to write myself. I'm not gagged that's for sure, but I haven't the true desire. It's just not in me and I don't know why. I think you can tell from the last few posts.

Gaming doesn't have the same apeal right now either. I tried out several games in the Arcade, some great some not so much... There were two games that seemed good enough to bring me out of this temporary slump. Turok and Burnout Paradise.

Turok was so much fun. I wish I could feel like that again. I was so sick of playing Call of Duty, no will to play Halo3 with and Rigid won't really play with me so I've just been downloading as many demo's as I can. Can't afford to buy a game so that's my only option at the moment.

Most everything I've downloaded has been a complete bore. Here are a few of the games I tried out and some thoughts on each:

Devil May Cry® 4??? Fucking waste of my time. BEAUTIFUL game and I'm sure a nice enough story, but haven't we grown out of those games already? My wrist can't deal with all the buttom mashing combos I'd have to memorize and I don't have the desire to memorize shit not to mention the ability. I want to hit a button and smear my opponent on the bottom of my boot.

Burnout Paradise: This game was such a blast! I think I got every possible burnout poster and jump I could manage with Rigids help of course. The only thing I sucked wet balls at was the racing. Rigid was really good at racing other cars and jumping, but I was better at racking up the points in Stunt Mode. I really can't wait to get this game. Not only did the graphics kick ass, but the game was so fun to play. The music options are still better on PGR though. Pretty much any PGR.

Kingdom Under Fire™ Circle of Doom : I'm pretty sure I've downloaded this game both on my hardrive and Rigid's. I STILL can't remember the fucking game. I don't know why. There are two RPG like demo's I tried out recenly and I can't remember which is which so I'll have to go back, download the fucker again and see if I can come up with anything nice to say. Am I actually going to do that? Nope. If I can't remember this game it means I didn't really like the game play. Story seemed good, graphics play, I really can't remember.

FIFA Soccer 07: I got to kick a ball around. I've never really picked up a sports type of game since I had Atari. So you can just imagine what it would be like for me. What a nightmare. I gave up about 15 minutes into a match and shoved the controller in Rigid's face. He started whizzing around in no time and quickly won the match. He'd never played one of these games before and he's not into sports games wither. I think it's a guy thing. He just sort of knew what to do with it. If only the same were true when he's trying to figure out what to do with me.

Lost Planet™ (multiplayer): No...just....fucking no.

Medal of Honor Airborne™: Rigid was ticked when he tried out this demo, but I had fun fun fun! The controls are a bit on the sticky side. It's tough to run and even tougher to stop short when someone jumps in front of you with a clear intention of killing you. Close combat is... kind of sad. Could have been me, but the game is beautiful and I'm sure the story will be too. As far as multiplayer, which I have no idea if it will be capable of yet, I don't know if it'll be all that great. Were a bit spoiled with games like Rainbow Six and Call of Duty aren't we?

Ninety-Nine Nights™: OOOOH, AAAAAH!!! This game was so god damned pretty! Too bad the gaming sucked balls! Games have to make an impression on me and in order for me to buy it off the bat I need to enjoy the visual aspect of the game, the playability and the story. I like the idea of going up against hoards of badies with my own army. I really do, but it kind of helps when your army actually does what it's supposed to do. I know it's a demo, but if you want people to run out and buy a game can you please make it a little playable? More button mashing games....blah. I can deal with that, whenever I told my army to charge, they all screamed and said all sorts of things in unision making me feel even more empowered and they all rushed behind me and charged the attackers.... Then I spent the rest of the time hacking and slashing through all the enemys who were just standing in front of my men who were doing absolutely nothing. Stupid fucking game. Pretty...but fucking stupid.

Turok: I've never played Turok and Rigid said it was an old series and he always hated it. This inspired me to play it and like it all the more. It's much nicer to play a game that he's not interested in because that means he'll actually leave me alone to play it. Well, I didn't have to actually try to like it because it fucking ROCKED. There I was all alone in a dark damp cave when I came across that ugly dude...after I unloaded two fucking clips into the guy I realized he was my friend. Looks like it was going to be one of those days.

We walked together then BLAMO! This fucking dinosaure has my fucking head in it's mouth. It came at me from behind, I screamed, the screen was all red and my vision all blurry and I freaked the fuck out, started smashing buttons and accidentally shoved my giant ass knife into it's skull. How fucking great was that? After that everytime I felt my characters back expose itself my ass tingled a little and I had a pain in my ovaries and stomach. What? PMS, heard of it?

Everytime a dino attacked me I felt my ovaries shrivel up and die a little. I screeched, I screamed, I even think I wet myself. All in all it was one of the very best games I've EVER demo'd and i'm happy to have tried it out.

Wish I could give better reviews but there you have it. That's only a few of the game. I tried out loads more, but I can't remember the names....

Does anyone remember the demo where you're doing construction on a building and these Nazi blimps attack? Something about Churchill being dead? Can't remember the name...Also, Fightclub...something like that. That game is a joke. I did the demo a lot and I'd actually buy it but ...let's just call it a matinee tueday special of say, 20 bucks? I'm being seriously generous here.

Tuna Tip:
Used Game Suggestion: - Buy Phantasy Star Universe - Used - Xbox 360 For 19 bucks, you can't really go wrong with this one. I used to do this all the time. Since I can't afford to buy all the new games I want I waited until the games were old and bought them used. Now with the Marketplace feature you can sometimes still find great content to add on. I think I'll be looking for this game this weekend if not I'll order it online. :) Used games are a great way to add to your library for much less money.

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