i can haz no sleepies timez?

Today I finished my work early. I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. I’ve been so tired lately and I really don’t know why. Well, I do, and I’ve been pushing myself quite a lot (not necessarily in the right direction), but no reason to be as tired as I’ve been as far as I’m concerned. There’s so much going on all the time that I never have the time to write anymore. I haven’t even gamed much either. It feels as though Rigid and I are in a bit of a gaming slump. That my dear friends is no joy. No joy at all.

Rigid and I just couldn’t get to sleep last night no matter what we tried. It might have been my fault. My back and legs were hurting and my ear was thumping in my head. I couldn’t get Ricky Ricardo’s face out of my mind and I could just see him pounding away on my eardrum. I guess that’s what I get for drinking the night before with my sister on Mother’s Day. No, we didn’t get drunk and it wasn’t the drinking either. Things just seem to stick in my brain when I visit my family. They’re funny like that.

So, again, to reiterate once more and again and again….I’ve had no sleep and I feel like I’m about to fall out of my chair so I’m keeping myself busy to stay awake. As soon as I got to work I just plugged away, problem is I finished everything in one hour. What to do for the next 7? Solve the mini-Rubik’s Cube I swiped from my co-workers desk. Not to worry, it’s germ free. I doused it with alcohol laden clean wipes. I’m not a germ-a-phobe but why take a chance?

I remember the days when I could solve these puzzles in under 2 min. I solved my cube so much and so many times I would break them constantly. Now, I can’t remember how to do it at all. This lead me to a hunt. I love Google, but I can’t find a good instruction guide. I’ll figure it out later. Right now I’m just writing to keep myself from falling asleep so you can imagine the garbage I’m spewing out here.

My search brought me to Reality Pause where I left goofy comment I on a post about someone’s son, daughter, school and forgetfulness:

“That is absolutely hysterical. Okay, not really, but definitely funny. Brought back memories of the time I got lost on a school bus. Yes, an actual school bus I wasn't supposed to be on. My mom told me never to get on the school bus because she would pick me up. We were only around the corner from the school so she just walked. Even told me how to get home on foot (while walking me home of course.), but when my little friend beckoned me onto her school bus I simply followed.

I had the feeling I was forgetting something. Keep in mind, I knew how to take the bus, mommy planned for everything see. Unfortunately and to everyone’s misfortune I forgot where I was supposed to get off and walked for what felt like hours. Suddenly a car full of screaming women pulled up next to me in a white car. Just like that. I was in my mothers arm in a flash and tears were flying everywhere. My teacher drove that car. Poor thing looked a mess as she drove away as we were all cried hysterically.

Boy was my mom upset! After the terror wore off, she yelled at me all the way around the corner trying to show me how close I was to home. I was basically going in circles trying to find my street, but I KNEW I knew where I was going. Just a little sidetracked is all. :) Boy, what a great memory that was. And here all I jumped on for was the Rubik’s Cube puzzle. Thanks Perry and Fam!”

I already regret leaving such a long post. In fact, I think my comment was longer than his post, but that’s nothing new for me either. Think I’ll just get some fresh air. I’m already feeling my pillow on my face. If I could just take a nap I’ll be fine. Great, that’s all I need. I’ll just convince myself that all I need is a nap, run to my car, shut my eyes and not open them until 6pm. I’ve heard of people doing things like that you know. I would be mortified. I’d also be quite fired.

“I SLEEP NOW!” Skeleton from The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera

feeling like a waste

I don't think I've gotten up from my computer except to eat today. Truth be told I haven't exactly done much either.

Sometimes it feels like all I'm doing online is wasting my time. Then again, doesn't really feel like a bad thing either. Maybe it should.

Ah well, another day...another wasted breath.

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It is I, The Mighty Maha

Damn, I'm ugly! LOOK AT ME....keep looking. :P Can't you see how much disdain I have for you? Can't you???? Well?

The Ring On My Finger

Allow me to share a little story with you about my precious wedding ring. This ring has traveled the world just to rest on my finger and I love it, but it's not mine. Well...at least it wasn't destined to be mine, of this I am almost thoroughly and irrefutably certain. You see my husband, Rigid Raider, was an army boy. He traveled to Afghanistan on his first tour and Iraq on his second. Before he flew out to see me he was preparing to be shipped out to Cypress. Alas, upon his return from Los Angeles, the dream vacation that it was, he pulled out all his paperwork and refused to re-enlist there being no compunction as to who he'd be spending the rest of his life with. This he knew in less than three weeks of having personally known me. Quite frankly so did I.

We were swept away by the fairytale of it all. He was dropping it all for me. His life, his career his everything because there was no everything without me. Forget about the fact that he'd have no way to support me, forget about the fact that we'd be poorer than poor because none of that mattered. Only we mattered. He struggled in his formal proposal to me. I refused to accept proposals over the phone, chat rooms, poker rooms, Xbox Live rooms etc. He asked me one day what in the world I would rather he do. I responded and let him know that he should not propose to me over the phone, online on a computer or on Xbox Live especially not in an airport.

Well, three months after his initial visit he packed and got ready to come back to me. As he was packing away his belongings he came across a little tin can with a see through top. The can was just big enough to fit a small can of tuna. It contained money he's collected from around the world including a few other knicknacks, but most importantly it contained my ring. He peered inside and found it nestled amongst Rupee's, Dinar's and Eurodollars. My little ring. This heartened him and allowed him to made up his mind then and there. It was the sign he needed to be sure. It was right there shining back at him inspiring him to place it on my finger. When he retells me the story he says that all he could see at that moment was my beautiful face and how much he wanted to look up at me from bended knee and watch my face light up with happiness.

It did at that. Mostly out of sheer humiliation. He's an impatient and impulsive man and when he makes his mind up about something a train couldn't stand in his way. I met him at the airport and we hugged and kissed gently. His curly hair spilling all around his forehead. He got down on one knee and he asked me to be his until the end of our days. My heart felt as if it would burst from happiness but people around us were starting to stare and point, whisper and smile. I was in shock and held my face in my free hand. He took out the ring and placed it on my willing finger and I turned beet red because the strangers were starting to clap. I wanted to faint and couldn't speak. What a jolt I received as he belted out the next line in his proposal, "Well, come on, don't leave us here like a cunt!" I wanted to die. Right then and there in that very moment I wanted to die. So I hurriedly agreed to marry him and yanked him up off the floor. We kissed and the crowd clapped harder, so we unlocked waved a quick thank you and good bye to the kind strangers and rushed away as quickly as possible.

It was a moment. A moment I never thought I'd have lodged in my cerebellum. No, not me. You see my dream proposal would have pretty much been anything but that. Still, it was sweet and I loved my ring. When he told me the story of how he came across it and how it came to be that it made the long journey from England to me I loved it all the more. I had questions, but it wasn't until about a year later that doubt entered my mind. The real doubt of a woman who knows and understands her husband like no other creature on this earth. I'm not saying that my husband is a liar, though an embellisher is putting it mildly.

He was on tour in Afghanistan. About three months into his tour he started to get the feeling that things were amis in his relationship. He had been with Joe for nearly a year now and things had been great before he left, yet she was avoiding his phone calls or cutting them rather short. It always seemed as though she had something better or more important to do. He began to fear the worst and made up his mind that his relationship was over. It was only a matter of time. Deep down in his gut he knew she was cheating on him and he shared this fear with a close friend. Two weeks before his tour was to end he was out in an open air market shopping for a few trinkets to bring back to England. He came across an old Afghani selling rings. Rigid says the man convinced him to buy a ring and when he found one asked him if he had a pretty girl to give it to. He said he didn't, but that he liked the ring so much he decided to go ahead and buy it claiming the old man informed him that the ruby had been mined in Afghanistan and he wasn't actually supposed to take it out of the country. The ring was packed amonst the coins and rupees had collected while there never to see the light of day until the day he was to fly back to me.

When he got back home from Afghanistan he did in fact find out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him. He left her and never looked back. His life thereafter was peppered with this girl and that. Some beautiful conquests and terrible mistakes were made, but he was only in it for the sex and nothing more. Nothing and no one mattered to him until the day he heard my voice while playing Unreal Championship on Xbox Live. It was love at first kill. There's a heated debate till this day of who killed who first. I can guarantee you he is wrong. I ran circles around him and I loved it. The ring went back and forth with him even going as far as Iraq on his second tour, but then I came along and derailed everything.

We eventually married, but this is where things start to go a bit askew in my head. You see, I don't believe he bought the ring "just because", I don't believe the ring was destined to be mine. He bought it for Joe. He hoped to get back together with her after he came back from Afghanistan. Oh, I'm sure he wasn't lying about the feeling that his relationship was doomed, but I'm sure he hoped it wasn't. He hoped that if the relationship continued he would bestow this lovely ring upon her finger and she'd love him forever. It wasn't to be. The ring never made it to it's intended target because shortly after he'd gotten home he found out the truth. Oh he will deny it to me. He Denys it inexorably and he'll deny it until the day he dies. He's a cruel man. I'd rather know the truth so that I can slough these feelings away the instant I remove this ring, but now even if he gives me another trinket one day there will always be that doubt and I'll never shake it.

Was this ring really meant for me? Was it really destiny? No my friends, no it was not. Some people call it an accident, other people may call it coincidence, others fate. I call it seizing an opportunity. Should I be grateful that it presented itself to him or should I hate the thing I love so much and wore with such pride. Is it wrong? Wrong hate the something that gives me such joy and makes me feel so close to him, makes me feel like an extension of him? I don't know, maybe I'll never know.

Maybe it doesn't matter.

Gloria's Collage

Aric Won...Glitter

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Testing Post Features on Google Doc's

I'm always looking for new and interesting ways to post to my blog. I like using the "blog this page" button on my Explorer browser. I like my blog options on my Flock browser as well. I LOVE blogging from Youtube and and Flickr, and my phone.

I have so much fun doing it. I'm a total dork. Now it looks like I can also blog directly from my Google spreadsheets page. It's like having a word document saved online. In fact I can download my word documents from my computer at work or at home. So far I haven't done that too much because I'll get into trouble at work. We don't want that now do we?

Anyway, one of the problems I have with blogger is the inability to easily add pictures to the page. everything has to be loaded or I have to have the URL and because everything that is uploaded to the post first stays at the bottom you have to take the time to figure out what order you want to load your pictures in if you actually want to tell a linear type of story. SUCKS...so, now I'm wondering if I can load pic's onto this and blog them....

The next thing I'll do is check my google notebook to see if I can blog that. I can already transfer my notebook to the spreadsheets so I'm happy about that. And yes,....I actually do use all these programs. *sigh* I'm a busy girl...

meh, never mind it sucks ass. i can't copy pic's from flickr or any other place other than my pomputer. pish.... good for jotting down thoughts though. phfff

.....heee heee heeee. wtf am i doing. i should be studying!!!!! ARGH!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cositas Book

Curl up the edges of this book just like you would a real book and drag them with your mouse to open it. You can also view it in full size. It's fun creating these so give them a try. :)

Walk Now Pictures

I missed the Walk but my sister took some pictures. Hopefully she took some more. You can't see the shirt very well, but my sister is the on in the middle of this first picture. Ah well...at least everyone had a great time.

I'm still really sorry I didn't make it, but we all did a really great job and well..it was a good day eitherway.

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technorati tags:pictures, autism, autism walk, aric

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Random Thoughts For A Random Life

It's almost time to celebrate my 33rd birthday. I'm not exactly excited about it, but since my exam is coming up the following week I figure I could burn off some excess energy and have a party. Maybe I won't feel so bad in the upcoming week.

My test scores have been abysmal to say the least and I don't expect that they'll increase in the next few days. I'm thinking that if I can't pick up my score even just 10% I'll probably reschedule the exam and give myself another couple of weeks. I have time I believe. I can't remember when my "window" closes, but I think it's in June. That may give me a little more time to study more diligently. Though in truth it simply may not make a difference anymore. See my problem hasn't been learning the material so much as it's been a matter of sticking to a study plan for a long period of time.

If it's not one thing it's another. Anything from someone on the verge of killing themselves to me simply slacking off because I'm just do fucking tired and bored with the work. Still I'm determined to finish what I've started even if it means having to pay $200 each time I retake the exam. In the end it'll be worth it I know it. I have to believe that I'm doing the right thing for myself and my future. At this point I have nothing... All I have is a job. I want a career and I'm never going to have one if I don't grab what's in front of me. What else can a high school drop out hope for?

Things between Rigid and I have been going well. Ever since I talked to his mother about all the things he's put me through I've felt so much more at ease. Just the fact that she understands how I feel is relieving. She knows why I'm on medication and agrees with me. She really made me feel accepted and given our past it was surprising. Actually it was shocking to see how well we got along. I really felt like I had found a friend in her. I hope she feels the same.

The only problem I have right now is that he's not working regularly. At least he's connected with a couple of people. It's just so difficult to have your partner sitting at home cleaning and eating whoppers all day with your cats. It doesn't feel good I'll tell you that, but despite the fact that I'm not on my depakote at the moment I think I'm handling it rather well. I'm still taking my Adderall of course and I'm hoping there are no adverse effects because of it, but I also think that because I've reduced the amount of stress I've been in I'm better able to handle his outbursts. That and there haven't really been many outbursts from either one of us. I'm sure the minute out money begins running out though we'll be back in the same boat.

At least I'll be getting a little money back for my taxes this year. I'm very pleased about that because I really thought I would owe money again. I only just finished paying off a large chunk of last years debt and with this refund I'll be able to pay the remainder plus the stupid ticket I got last year when I bought Rigids anniversary gift in Chinatown. Fucking $79 ticket is now probably close to $200...my fault and there's nothing I can do but pay it before I end up back in court. I know I could fight the increases, but it's not worth it.

I'm hoping I have a good time this weekend. I have to get an RSVP list going by the end of today so I can get a bunch of people in for free to the nightclub were going to. Should be fun. They reserve tables and prop up balloons everywhere for free. You can have up to 20 guests join your party free of charge before 10pm. It's actually a really nice service. A lot of people don't like this place, but I really don't care. I usually only hang out in the smoking section outside anyway since those are the only times I usually smoke.

To think, I'm going to have to quit smoking all over again. I suppose it'll be a process my whole life still...it's a pain in the ass. I know I don't ever see myself quitting and never smoking another cig the rest of my life. That's just not a reality for me, but I certainly don't see myself smoking cigarettes daily. I just don't like it, but the fact that Rigid has also gotten into the habit of smoking his cigars hasn't helped much either. Now we're both smoking in the house. We're going to die a slow and painful death. Maybe when were gray and old and on oxygen tanks we'll take each other out. Huh...I wonder if we'll make it that far?

Fwd from sister: Who has more of a problem?

I ment the boggie!! the other was ok, but now i wounder how many people r we talking about.anyways here is my colection~sisters cell well she showed me didnt she? ~Sister's Cell

Omg....this actually made me sick. Can you see how gooey her booger is? mine was flakey and crusty. Big fucking difference. YUK! Fucking snot rag. She's gross. lmao

Im still the booger bug!

I saw a woman rubbing her pregnant belly on the street. I wanted to flick this at her face. Is that wrong? ~Maha's Cell

Blog Date: 2/22/7

I'm so fucking gross. Sometimes I amaze myself. Still, I'm in a strange mood today. People keep asking me over and over again how I'm doing on my studies. I keep lying and saying I'm doing well when the truth is that I'm not doing anything at all. I studied a few days last week and just stopped. Since my cousin’s kid ended up sick as hell I just haven't been able to pick back up where I left off. My mood keeps spiking in strange directions. I'm happy, I'm sad, I feel a little out of it, I'm overly tired, I'm gassy, I'm nauseous, I'm FUCKING ANGRY as hell and I just don't know what the fuck to do. I keep taking my meds, but what the hell are they supposed to do? The only reason I take them is to help me keep my hands to myself, stop being so verbally abusive to my husband and allow me to manage not to hurt myself. They're not happy pills. I don't take happy pills. I take please-don't-murder-your-husband pills, but maybe I should...the happy pills I mean...take the happy pills. lol

I can't stand to be too peppy though. Can you imagine me peppy? I would look like a crazy person. No, I'm happy being occasionally peppy. Like when I'm on Live. I can be peppy and happy then. In my world, the one where I walk and talk and co-exist with co-workers, neighbors and even family, I'm just an outspoken bitch that doesn't like it when strangers touch her. Hell I don't like it when anyone touches me. My skin crawls. You may not know that about me. Now you do. Even when I'm the one that touches you, my skin is crawling even if just for a moment. Doesn't happen with Rigid. Strange.

Anyway, I was in a funny mood yesterday. I uploaded all my cell phone pic's to my Flickr account which is a really cool feature. So since I had no pictures on my camera I decided I needed to start filling it up with crap again. I was on my way home and on one of my little highs. (Bi-Polar highs) I say little because...well, I don't exactly feel like I could climb a mountain or anything. I'm just abnormally giddy and weird. Couldn't think of anything better to do on my drive home and I also couldn't breath as usual. I've no idea why I don't do this while I'm in the bathroom at work. Maybe it's become habit or maybe I like being disgusting. I picked my nose and started to laugh like a maniac at myself when I grabbed my camera and snapped a picture. As I did this, while driving mind you, I spotted a pregnant woman on the sidewalk facing the street and rubbing her belly. I had a deep and rageful urge to screech to a halt, jump out of my car and flick it in her pregnant eye. (I'M FUCKING JOKING! Please don't ever flick your bogies on anyone, it's unhygienic. *whispers* No I'm not. You know the truth don't you Azbats? *snicker*) Bitch.

I'm only angry because my period is late again or so it seems. My body is about to betray me once again and I'm getting angry. The past few weeks I've been having strange symptoms at the wrong time of the month. Now I'm so tired all the time. I'm napping when I get home and falling asleep too late. My schedule is a complete mess and let me tell you something. Disrupting a bi-polars sleep patter is like waking up a bear in the middle of winter. Nothing good can come of it. I always make sure I get enough sleep, but the thing is that when your bi-polar you can get 2-3 hrs of sleep and feel like you slept 8 hrs. That's how my sister and I can party all night long on a Saturday night, sleep 3 hrs maybe 4, wake up feeling like champions and take the kids to Disneyland with a hangover and not come home until midnight. We'd probably be pooped out by 6pm, but we'd keep on going until the kids crash HARD. That's the only time when it's cool to be me. The rest of the time...ballsuckage.

The rest of the time I sit here wondering when and if I'll be lucky enough to get pregnant. What will I do? What will I buy? How much will my life change? Then funny things start to happen to me. My body reacts in strange ways and I start to believe this might be it. Maybe this month I'm nauseous, maybe last month I was farting too much, maybe next month I'll be ravenous or my boobs will hurt too much or I'll get to fucking veiny. In the end the result is the same. I'm still not pregnant. But because there's this horrible little glimmer of hope I end up going threw a slew of emotions. Right now I feel none of them. I just feel one. Anger. Total and complete anger. The resentful kind I guess.

So, no. I won't actually throw a booger at someone’s face. I'll pretend to, and maybe I want to. If your Rigid you'll get it smeared on your cheek or your arm. Shut up, if you haven't already done it to your lover you should. It's funny. Especially when they jump up off their seat with this horrified look on their face. The look of shock and disgust when you first do it is more than enough to make you shit and piss your pants in simultaneous glory. After that you'll end up running away from them half the time for fear they'll stick one in your butt. That's my life ladies and gentlemen. I'm still the BoogerBug!!!!

Hospitals & Birthdays Don't Mix

She was diagnosed with diabetes this weekend. It was her birthday. ~Maha's Cell

This weekend was this little girls birthday. My family gets together once a year for it. Not for my niece's birthday, not for my nephew's birthday. No, her birthday. Why? It's convenient. My Aunt and Uncle's house lies conveniently between Los Angeles and Baja. We never did venture out much farther than Los Angeles and my Mom, Sister and I are the only ones that live here. My Riverside family came out early this January for my nephew's b-day. I wish I could have invited a few people, but apparently my sister invited so many we weren't sure how they would all fit into her home. She just moved there and everyone wanted to see it so it was kind of a B-Day party/Housewarming. The house was flooded with people, but not too many kids. Just my nephew, niece, Dyana and a little boy. She looked so healthy then. So beautiful and healthy. Like nothing was wrong at all.

Not long after that she began having problems. She began drinking too much water and began having "accidents" on herself. She just turned 4 last week. The entire family was prepared to go to her birthday party. There were well over 100 people expected to attend. Saturday morning while Rigid and I are still in bed trying to ignore the fact that we have to get up soon to go to this party my mother knocked. She asked what time we would be leaving so I called out around 12 or so. Around 12 or so means 2 or so with us. She then told me, that was fine, but (by this time I opened the door...she didn't sound right) I should stay calm, that everything was alright and she was fine. I didn't know what the hell she was going on about so I asked what was up.

My aunt had been trying to reach us all morning to tell us that the party had been cancelled. Dyana was in the hospital and it didn't look like they were going to let her out. She's been diagnosed with Diabetes. I news took me by surprise, but I didn't panic. Kids get sick, kids get better - everything will be okay. Needless to say that we were out of the house faster than you could blink. Before I left I stared at my camera. I never leave my house without it, especially on family trips, but I couldn't get myself to bring it. I just couldn't. Me... I could take a picture of a corps and not think twice. I like to stop and photograph road kills and dead bugs... Of course no one lets me. Still, I just couldn't do it. Knowing I'd regret it I left it behind and didn't look back.

On our way to Riverside I called my cousin for more details. Yes, she was definitely diagnosed with Diabetes. They just weren't sure what type yet. She'd been in the hospital the whole week and didn't have the head to call the countless number of people that were going to the party. No matter, I told her, her family was going and that was that. If people go to the Pizza Place so be it. They'll figure it out eventually. I think they were hoping she'd be out of the hospital and they'd be able to celebrate her birthday anyway. It was not to be.

When I saw my aunt she was a bit frantic but happy to see all of us. Some of my family members had already arrived. We all caught up but there were moments of silence that could send a chill up your spine. Inevitably someone would break it with a fun or silly story. No one could stand to feel that way for too long and no one wanted to let on how worried each and every one of us were. It was pretty shit.

Eventually we all made our way to the hospital. We didn't really think about how many people were there. It was only 5 family's but already we filled up the waiting room with bodies. Did it seem that many at my aunts house? The hospital policy was that only two people were allowed in to see Dyana. Eventually we gave up because the nurses kept kicking people out and just sat in the waiting room. They let us know that we could all visit in the play area. The nurses may have been a little shocked that there were so many of us, but they never said anything. It was after all her birthday and they understood.

It was unfortunate that they weren't so understanding the next day. Dyana was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes. Usually children who are diagnosed with Diabetes are. I didn't know this, guess I do now. She will never live another day without having to take an insulin shot or having to monitor her blood sugar level. She will never be able to attend another child's birthday party without wondering why she can't have their candies. She'll be poked and prodded on a daily basis for the rest of her life and if she's not she'll die. Of course upon finding out this news the rest of the family showed up in droves.

That day the nurses and the hospital staff decided not to let ANY children under age 12 on to the 2nd floor of the hospital. WTF? You think the staff or security could keep us from seeing our cousin's baby? We snuck everyone in from all corners of the hospital. Very Mission Impossiblesque style. It didn't work of course and the Pediatrics Ward was alerted right away. They refused to let anymore people up unless some of the visitors went back down and eventually they began following some of the family members. Namely my cousin Sally and I. At least it felt that way. They even had security running around with a dog up and down the halls. Overreact much? There had been no security with dogs the ENTIRE FUCKING WEEK that this little girl had been in the hospital. THE ENTIRE FUCKING WEEK. Now suddenly they were patrolling the halls with fucking dogs? Eat fucking shit. Whatfuckingever!

Thing is that sneaking the kids up wasn't what cause the problem. Some of my uncle's relatives were in Pediatrics while my aunts side of the family was patiently waiting with all the kids in a waiting room. I couldn't believe how quiet we all actually were. We had no idea what had been going on in Pediatrics. Apparently people were sneaking in to see Dyana over and over again in groups of 3, 4 or 5. Needless to say the nurses were none too happy. Security was called to pull these people out and that's when the proverbial shit hit the fan and the guards were up our asses.

It was sad. That was my cousins kids birthday. She loved the present I got her and after I held her little legs down for one of her insulin shots she kept repeating over and over again that she wanted to play with it. All she wanted to do was go home and play with her little scooter. It made me feel better and it was definitely better than the screaming. I'll take begging for a scooter between sobs any day over screaming and sobbing, "I WANT MY DADDY!! DADDYYYYY!!!! AAAAH AAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAH" while trying to give her a shot. I don't want to get into detail, but there was a lot of squirming going on. Kicking, screaming and squirming. It took three of us to hold her down. Mostly because the nurse was a moron. If she had let me hold her down in the first place it would have been done in 5 seconds. Instead she dragged it out to 6 minutes and terrorized Dyana. Fucking moron nurse. Fucking moron hospital....Fucking diabetes dude....diabetes. She's fucking 4.

She's still in the hospital with fever....

Its official

After 6 years of service i finally get a name thingy. Im so fucking impressed.

He Didn't Buy Me Chocolates

I ended up not going to work yesterday. Wasn't feeling too hot, but we ended up having so much to do that day that Rigid dragged me out of the house. I felt awful. He wanted to start off our Valentine's Day right from the get go. He was very happy to see me first thing in the morning, but I wasn't about to do anything while my mother was sleeping in the next room. Our walls are paperthin, so when faced with the idea of making love or going to the DMV...I chose the DMV.
Forget about how sick I felt. No, I shot out of bed and got ready so I could finally go change my name. Before we get him sorted in the country I have to change my name because it could hold up his paperwork. You know, I don't have a problem with it. I've already changed my social security card to my married name, but I just haven't gotten around to anything else. I don't see why I have to get my drivers license changed just to prove that I'm married and plan to stay married.

It's nothing but a bunch of bullshit. I HATE MEN. Yeah, I said it. Men don't have to change their fucking names when they get married. Women do. And for some MORONIC reason the likes of which still befuddle me if we don't change our names it means that we obviously don't plan on being married for very long. What kind of fucking sense does that make? Fuck you bastards that think a marriage isn't valid unless your woman changes her name. Fuck you in the hairy ass with a splintery wooden stick. You DICK!

So we went to the DMV and when we got there my lovely Valentines Day sweetheart asked me if I grabbed the marriage certificate on the way out of the house as I was about to step out of the car. I slowly turned my head and looked at him. The look of wonderment said it all I think because he immediately put his hand on the ignition and said, "So I take it you didn't get it? I told you we needed the Marriage Certificate for the form." "Um, Yeah," I said, " you told me while I was putting on my makeup too. Not bright. You knew it was right in front of you in my briefcase why didn't you just grab it?" We both inhaled deeply and made our way back to the house. We weren't exactly happy about it, but we were both determined not to let it ruin our day. It's a happy day.

On our second trip back the DMV people gave us a number and I began to fill out the form. After I got done fucking up the first form and completed the second we sat down to wait....and wait....and wait....and wait....*tummy growls* ....and wait...and wait...."I'm starting to get the feeling we should have eaten before we got here." I said. When Rigid opened his mouth to tell me he was "Fucking starving" too everyone within a 10' radius turned to look at us. You don't get too many white people in that area and that's an understatement so when you throw in a white dude with an English accent your in for a treat. Makes you feel like you should be in the circus. I've learned to tune it out a bit but it's a little hard when he starts cursing. It's cunt this, bollocks that, knob jockey this, twat that. The Hispanic victims unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity don't always understand what he's saying, but they get the idea that it's bad. This usually results in them shuffling their little babies as far away from us as they can. Come to think of it it's kind of cool, I should let him do it more often.

They eventually called out number and when they did I walked ALLLLL the way around to the other side of the DMV office. Just my fucking luck that when I get up to the window the stupid long nailed funky looking short twat sitting before me told me that they couldn't possibly accept a photocopy of my marriage certificate and that whoever told Rigid that they could was wrong. "Your fucking shitting me. That a fucking joke right? You can't accept the copy? The guy at the front told me you could accept a copy. That's fucking bullshit. This place is a fucking joke." he said. He didn't direct that whole comment at her exactly like that, but you could see he got to her. I felt bad so I just made an appointment for Friday because at this point I thought I would pass out. We were both hungry and grumpy.

He took me to Gloria's Restaurant for lunch. Usually I only like the breakfast items, but it was too late for that. Unfortunately the wait was obnoxious and I was annoyed. I was also annoyed about the fact that every other girl I saw was in pink and TOTALLY dressed up as if they were going out to dinner. It was idiotic. There were pink and red balloons all over that restaurant and I wanted to pop each an every last mother fucking one because I was NOT in the mood for Valentine's Day. That and Gloria's, an everyday restaurant that we frequent was NOT my idea of romantic and early on (probably before we even got there) I realized that I wasn't getting a romantic dinner. That our lunch at Gloria's would be it.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
The molcajete
Will the visits to glorias ever end? He cant live without his molcajete. Sometimes hes more mexican than me. ~Maha's Mobil

I took the pic above on my cell phone, I figured this would also be the only memory of this day I could have since I didn't know we were starting our "Valentine's Day" thing after the DMV. He did buy me a little rose from a vendor that came table to table and I did enjoy watching him eat. I always enjoy watching him especially when he's eating Mexican. The picture's a bit blurred but his food is sitting in a red hot volcanic rock mortal and pestle type bowl. They're called Molcajete's, hand carved bowls with little feet. The thing is piping hot and it's got a variety of food. Chilies, green onions, goat cheese, nopales (cactus), carne asada (flank steak), pollo (chicken) and salsa all grilled and tossed into the red hot Molcajete. Have you ever seen an Englishman eating a cactus over a Molcajete? Have you ever seen one take a giant chunk of a very spicy chilie and follow it with a chunk of steak wrapped in a torn off piece of tortilla with scooped up rice, beans and guacamole?

I haven't, though I did have to teach him the tortilla scooping thing. The first time he ordered a Molcajete he tried to attack it with a knife and fork. I laughed so hard I nearly fell under the table. He was trying to use the edge of the bowl to cut his meat. It didn't take him long to figure it out but it still fascinates me. I know he's not the only one, but he's my only one and that's enough for me to sit and stare at him while he chows down his Mexican food. And trust me, if your in England and you think you've had a burrito you're out of your mind.

We were stuffed after a while and even Rigid couldn't finish his molcajete. It's so much food, probably enough for two.

Gift gone awry
This was supposed to be my big valentine's day gift. Poor rigid, he tries so hard. ~Maha's Mobil

After lunch we headed on over to the mall. He'd already told me what he was buying me for Valentine's Day so since I took the day off he figured he'd just take me along to the mall. boy was that a bad idea because it ended up costing him more money than he expected. Never take me to the mall on a holiday. I'll guilt you into buying me everything I want without even saying anything. I CAN NOT BE DENIED!!!!! muahahahahaa My jedi mind powers are something to be reckoned with....First to Macy's where I shopped for shoes. Okay, so I wasn't about to pay $100 for a pair of JLo shoes. First...JLo? WTF and second...no.

I settled for a nice Guess wallet. I've never had a Guess anything and it wasn't that expensive so fuck it. I needed a new wallet. After I was done torturing him there, he really needed to pee you see and I kept stopping to show him all the purses I wanted to buy and the glasses I wanted to have, but eventually he ran away. I heard something like this, "Fuck this I need to take a piss and your taking the piss making me wait." Blah blah blah. IT'S MY DAY! haha! So I ran as fast as my chubby little legs would go to catch up so I could direct him to the nearest bathroom. 'Hopefully I didn't piss him off and he'll buy me more stuff!!!', thought I.

By the way whoever thought of family bathrooms is an idiot! Men, women and children can now go to these family bathrooms together all at the same time to shit and piss as a loving family. I had the misfortune of going into the bathroom after a man had just used it. I held my breath when I walked in, how I didn't throw up I will never know because I accidentally took a whiff as I exited. WHY oh WHY didn't I use the bathroom Rigid was in???? Good lord. As we walked arm in arm outside I began to cough into his arm. I gagged and choked down whatever it was that came up. FUCK I hate that, and then to top it off he starts saying something about chocolate pudding coming out of that mans ass and some other bullshit which made me gag even more. The marks on his arm where I dug my nails into him are probably still there. Stupid fucker. What would he have done if I had thrown up all over him? Guys are stupid.

But I got over it because I was really looking forward to my book, 'course if your any kind of fan you know the book won't be out until July SO I was pretty sure he was wrong. He yelled at me this weekend over this though so I just let him go through with it. When we got there he was thoroughly disappointed to find that the book hadn't actually been released yet so he put it on reserve. The extra special edition in fact. OOOOh, I was so impressed.

When you reserve it they ask you if you think Professor Snape is a friend or foe. I immediately said friend when they asked me, but I wonder why they ask me that? I'm intrigued to be sure. I can't wait for my super duper deluxe edition of Harry Potter. It's supposed to be the last one you know. (lol)
No chocolates?
Well i didn't get my harry potter book but i think i had more fun on my mini spree. Besides... Its on reserve. :) ~Maha's Mobil

After the Harry Potter fiasco we ran around the mall just looking around. I bought some lacy panties at Frederick's and those little shoes at hot topics. I also bought a blouse at another store. All in all I pretty much bought little things I wanted here and there, but I still didn't get any chocolates. Not that I really wanted any and not that I particularly need any given the amount of fat that currently resides on my belly but still...something was missing. Rigid may not be the most romantic guy in the world, but he certainly knows how to romance me. He made Valentine's Day all about me and ended my day with me curled up in bed and waiting for him to bring dinner home. It was so much fun and on top of all that I ended up getting my V-Day chocolate after all. Mom left two little candy bags my sister made for her kids friends at school. Hershey's kisses while watching Lost in your husbands arms on Valentines day are the best kinds of chocolate in the world. Not even Godiva's could compare.


Here's a little story (you know it won't be little so don't cry about it.) from last years Valentine's Day. I still can't figure out whether it was a good day or not...(click on the card!)

Wednesday, February 15, 2006
My Valentine and a Little History

No chocolates?

Well i didn't get my harry potter book but i think i had more fun on my mini spree. Besides... Its on reserve. :)

Gift gone awry

This was supposed to be my big valentine's day gift. Poor ridgid, he tries so hard.

The molcajete

Will the visits to glorias ever end? He cant live without his molcajete. Sometimes hes more mexican than me.

Back to work dog!

Ahhh, its great to be back. ~ Maha's Mobil

Well, I'm back at work and my gummy little friends were here to greet me. Don't they look happy to see me. Yeah, the picture was a bit fuzzy because one of my brokers was heading my way so I snapped the picture to quickly. Not in the mood to retake it. Besides...it's just gum people. Cut me some slack.

I had a rough time last week in that class. Traffic was out to get me that day. I was running a little late and it took me nearly an hour to get downtown. It was horrible. I was so nervous I nearly shit my pants. In fact, I may have when I saw what time I got in (just a little bit). At least I didn't get lost. The teacher had already started and it took me a minute to get my bearings. I quickly took out my notebook and began to take notes. How the fuck was I supposed to take notes like that? She was going to god damned fast. She barely even paused to take a breath. I didn't even know her name! OMG!

Eventually she realized that a few people were late and were missing the slide show presentation handout. Pain in the ass. It helped, but for some reason I stuck it in my head that my notes would be better. Eventually she let us out for lunch and I ran away as fast as I could. Not because I was dying of hunger, but because if I stayed behind someone would surely find a reason to strike up a conversation with me and I was sure I'd throw up all over them. There was a little restaurant just inside the building I was in that served sushi. I thought it would be a great idea to stuff my face full of raw fish...Unfortunately so did one of the other classmates.

He found a reason to talk to me. I somehow managed to choke down the vomit that was surfacing and held a conversation with him. He seemed nice enough but he annoyed me when he was ordering the sushi. He had to ask what what was each dish. IT'S FUCKING FISH DUDE! It says what kind of fish it is on the menu. What more do you need? Okay, so the eel I can understand. Not too many people know what Unagi means and that's okay. Hell, not too many people know much of anything about sushi, but don't ask what's in the Spicy Tuna. IT'S TUNA!!! SPICY TUNA!!! Suffice it to say that I pretty much didn't talk to him after that. Besides he took his food back up to the class and I had no intention on spending my hour off locked up in a classroom eating my lunch. While I ate I watched some Family Guy episodes. I hate that show. It's sucks fat balls, but my husband loves it and I've grown to tolerate it so I watched while I ate. I LOVE SUSHI...heee.

After that I started to explore. Leave it to me to find two Macy's stores less than a block away. I'm really starting to like that store. I used to only buy my makeup there. Now I'm into purses. I only have two, but I'm thinking I'm onto something here. (Why does blogger not have sarcastic smiley faces???) I also discovered another shopping center/foodcourt on my second day out there. Have I ever used the word cacophony in my blogs before? Well, that's pretty much what the food court was like. I could hear elevator music in the background, there was a man playing a grand piano down on the lower level and the people just bustling about made such jarring noise that I thought I would go deaf. The first time I hung out there was great. I loved it...The second time I was out there made me miss the nice quite environment I'm so accustomed to. I also realized why I hate people. They like to crowd together thereby congregate in every corner they can possibly squeeze into. Why do that unless you have a drinkie in your hands I always say!

Eventually my week ended and I could not have been happier. I spent most of the weekend ignoring my house and all the studying I should have been doing and gamed a bit in the evening. I'm naughty I know, but can you blame me? I'm starved for video gaming! Rigid took me out to the movies on Saturday. I'm trying to remember what we saw and for some reason I can't. Hmm, guess it wasn't that great OH Epic Movie...I laughed, but as soon as I walked out of the theater I forgot about it. Say's something don't it? I don't know what it says but I know it says something. I can feel it in my gut.

GGGRRRRRRRR I have news I want to blog about, but Rigid won't let me. Maybe he doesn't want me to jinx him. I'll give it a few weeks and then I'll discuss it with or without his permission. I mean why do I need anyone's permission to talk about anything I want on my blogs anyway right? Right...right....fuck!!!!!! Ah, who cares. It's not that important anyway. YES IT IS! I don't like being told what I can and can not say. Yes, I'm crass. Yes, I can be disgusting and gross and weird, but that's what makes me...well...me. A big part of who I am is writing about the things that happen in my life that are significant to me and if I can do that then I'm gagged and not the good kind of gagged.

I'll give it a little time, but a little time is all I can give it because I sense a very long fucking blog coming on....I mean like 5 FUCKING pages man! lmao!

Fresh & Clean

Because You Don't Matter Anymore
Originally uploaded by Maharets Brood.

Wow, MyWrld asked for pics of people with no makeup on. Of course there NO WAY I'm going to give people pictures of me looking like complete and utter crap...Maybe later haha! At least my wet and sticky hair covers most of my face in this picture. I'd just come out of the shower. LOL

I took it long ago, 3 years ago actually. I took it for the wrong person but I got so much out of it. That year a series of events brought me to where I am today. I may struggle in my relationship at times and I may stuggle with my emotional outbusts and my ups and downs but in the end. At least so far it's been worth it.

Rigid found a job, quite possibly a job that will take him in exactly the direction he wants to go in. He won't let me give out any details at the moment, like anyone actually gives a shit! He's censoring my blogs damn it! I'll take it for now though. I've been a very naughty wife. I'm quite possibly one of the meanest persons in the world, but at least he got a job and I don't feel like I'm getting the piss taken out on me.

I could care less if it's $100/day or $500/day. I just want to feel like I have a man I can rely on and not some little boy who's ass I need to wipe every 10 minutes. I sure do make it sound that way don't I.