Almost There

here goes another week. just another ordinary week... if only it were true. i'm exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally. ... ok, maybe not emotionally i'm just fucking tired. i wanted to complete the last 3 exams i have to study, but i wasn't able to. no, i wanted to go out and have a little fun. got drunk at a halloween party saturday night, woke up in great spirits on sunday(today), but i didn't get to my exam until late in the day. shame on me. ah well.

i think i've pretty much studied as much as humanly possible. there's more i could have done, but i just don't have it in me anymore. if i don't pass this exam this time around i'm not sure what i'll do. i don't see myself taking the next 6 months off and starting all over again. this is pretty much my last chance. well, that's a little grim isn't it. i just don't think i can go through this again. i've had no life since i started this last year. in fact, it's been a little over a year since i started. i took way too long to really get into this book. too many personal issues got in the way. that is, that i allowed to get in the way. my fault, no one else to blame no matter who bled, who hit who, got sick, hurt or went otherwise temporarily insane.

so, that's that. wednesday is exam day. tomorrow morning i'll go to work, finish up a few projects and try as much as i can to get in as many little last min things to stick in my brain, but there's really not much more i could cram into my head. it's full and when i try to shove more information into it i end up feeling like other things just spill right out. a pretty futile effort if you ask me, but necessary. maybe this way if i fail at least i won't feel so bad because i can easily say i did my best, thought deep down inside i know that won't mean shit.

enough. i'm shutting down. my brain is on overload. time for bed.