Tuesday, July 29, 2008

earthquake 24 floors up!

we're 24 floors up and just felt an earthquake. everyone under the sun called us. they shut the elevators down for a bit until they checked the building.

my husband got through eventually, and we connected to his mom in england. my ex-husband called, but i was on the phone so i sent him a text message saying i was okay. i got a message from my sister telling me she couldn't get through so i sent her a text as well.

i was busy answering calls and taking messages while i was holding a 3way call for rigid and his mom. i mean the stock market isn't going to shut down just because there's an earthquake in los angeles.

the way i see it, it's doubtful and earthquake would decimate my entire family in one fell swoop so i'm sure i would have heard much sooner if someone was injured or worse.

when i sent the message to my sister i also told her to get a hold of mom to tell her we were all fine. looks like she never got the message so when she finally got through on the phones she was a little scared.

i knew my phone lines weren't even working because my boss had tried making an outgoing call to his family and couldn't. i assured my sister we were all fine and asked if she could also tell mom. so she did. as soon as i got off the phone with her she got in touch with mom.

30 minutes later my mom calls me hysterical because she couldn't get a hold of me. it's difficult to listen to someone be so hysterical about your safety and wellbeing when in no time at all during much of your life have you ever gotten that kind of reaction or affection. i mean sometimes she freaks out like that but not often and certainly not for me.

mom's reasoning behind this was that because i'm the eldest and so much more independent she never has to worry about me. THAT'S why she never speaks to me you see. because she doesn't want to make me feel like she's being overbearing or "involved" in my life. i get it you know.

i get how her family was with her. how they basically made her run away from her life in san diego, but you know there can actually be a healthy balance. it's either too much family involvement or none at all with her and that's sad. leaves me wanting for a life i know i will never have. well... a mother i will never have. okay...a mother i don't feel i have.

i know that the truth is that i should be grateful that she's even still with us. i know that i could also become more involved whether she or anyone else likes it or not, but the truth of the matter is that i'd rather hide in my little hole and pretend that i'm okay without her for now.

all of a sudden today i had a mother. it's not easy to deal with that. i think my reaction to her degree of worry was also a little more than unsettling for her which made it all the worse. first of all i wasn't freaked because the earth shook. it's happened before, it'll happen again. second of all when she called i wasn't worried or concerned nor did i get upset when she started to yell. i simply said i had to work.

she was furious. it actually made me laugh, but when i hung up on her i was actually upset and a little angry. i've worked here for over 8 years now. you only just realized i work on the 24th floor? how the fuck woman? are you stupid? i mean seriously, who here thinks i've never been through in earthquake in 8 years here?

i was here when the world trade center was hit the second time. i was here when people in new york were jumping out of buidings and friends were calling me to tell me they were safe, but saw horrors. i was here when the chicken heads in the office started screaming we were next and i STAYED. people were actually afraid we...WE all the way over here in westwood would be next. give me a break.

point is, people are a little nutty. yeah, it's scary. yeah it's unsettling, but really, is there any reason to scream at a loved one? if that's you trying to be "concerned" it's a shitty way to show it.

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