Tuesday, July 15, 2008

no roof for you!!!

so, saturday i got an eviction notice. rather than be all "f'u eviction notice leavers!" i curled up into a ball and lay there. i cried, i smoked and pretty much just felt sorry for myself.

rigid even went to the store to get me more ciggys without much of a fuss. not much of a fuss at all. okay, he tried to put up a fuss, but my foot lodged itself between his ass cheeks so damned fast and he reacted so darn quickly that it was almost like no fuss at all. must practice faster foot lodging technique....check!

that evening, one whole utter before this, pumpo asked me what i was going to do in a text message. i texted him back (i've never felt comfortable with that word, have you?), "me and my notice to vacate will sit here and wallow in our self pity. alone and in the dark." SEND

pumpo: well come over and bbq biaches!

maha: what time?

pumpo: NOW WHORE!

but i had a movie to finish watching so after i did that i started to get ready. i showered and decided that i wasn't going to do my freakin' hair. when i got out i dried and wrapped my hair in my towel immediately walking into my bedroom to get dressed. i caught a wiff of the litter box on the way, so i ran back into the bathroom but rigid must have let out a horrible fart because i caught a wiff of that and nearly vomited into my own mouth.

AAAAGH GROSS!!!! i ran into the kitchen, but there were dishes in the sink and i nearly threw up on top of them. it did creep into my head that i might be pregnant, but no it wasn't going to be that. i tried to be calm and rigid took it upon himself to clean the litter box and remove it from the room. he sniffed around and told me it was alright.

it wasn't alright. when i went to the room to get dressed the smell was horrible and i ran straight into the bathroom, tried to run back out, but realized that there was no controlling it and decided i'd be better off shoving my head in the toilette and blowing chunks. may as well get it over with since i was obviously aiming to barf whether i liked it or not. i barfed but good.

i thought it was all over so i went to the sink, but i was horribly wrong so i went back to the toilette. when everything was out i went back to the sink to freshen up, but i felt so ill! as i tried to clean my mouth and get cough up what i could still feel in my throat the waves of nausea kicked back in and i threw up again. this time only a little, but my sink was backing up!

as i felt another wave churn in my gut i threw my hand in my face and turned to the toilette just barely catching a bit of barf between my fingers which made the waves more and more gut wrenching. i went back and forth like this a few times until i got sick of it. i needed water desperately and i couldn't get the feeling out of my throat. rigid tried to bring me a glass, but it just wasn't enough.

i was naked and my body felt so hot and weak. i was probably really embarrassed and hasn't realized it. i was fucking throwing up naked and my husband kept checking in on me. i ran into the kitchen because the sink was far too backed up and seeing the sick in the sink was making me feel even worse, but the dishes in the sink pissed me off so i took everything out myself and proceeded to throw up into that sink.

at least everything ran down and the water helped to actually cool me off. the next thing you know i have rigid sucking in air and bits of my hair into his gigantic nostrils. the air felt cool on my thinning hairline and i felt a little relief by his touch. suddenly i realized what he was doing and i felt the anger well up. i pushed him away and said, "get the FUCK off me! you fucking retard. what's wrong with you? i'm not pregnant!"

he said, "you don't smell different, but i'm sure you're pregnant. you've never reacted that badly to smell before."

to which i replied, "fuck off." and continued to throw up into the sink. i wretched and wretched until i couldn't wretch anymore and when THAT sink started to back up i really started to feel awful. i motioned towards the garbage disposal switch, but rigid only looked up, down and all around. every where but the switch so i screeched with barf in my mouth frustrated and angry beyond belief. i half bumped half shoved him out of my way and say, "fuck off!!! i'll do it myself!!!!!!!" and he nearly got angry.

he asked me what was wrong with me and i just crumpled up. my knees gave way as i let out one last heave i said, "I DON'T KNOW!!!" and i just cried. i cried and sobbed and poured water down my face and into my mouth. he brought me mouthwash and cool water which helped a lot. all of a sudden i stopped crying.

i wiped myself down and went to check the calendar. i was cheerful and felt totally great. rigid was just behind me telling me surely i was pregnant. and i said, "no honey, i don't think so see. i'm only a couple of days late. i should get it tomorrow. i always barf the day before remember?"

"yeah, but not this badly." he said. "i've never seen you this bad."

i shrugged him off, got dressed and eventually left. i still felt slow and a little ill, but overall i was fine. we had a great bbq with pumpo and katapat and i ended up getting drunk as hell.

i actually got so drunk that at some point i started getting all xena warrior princess on them with his spear. it's a very real spear with thankfully was enclosed in a leather sheath. had it not been i would have either ripped all my clothes apart, stabbed katapat's sofa a few hundred times or gutted myself. the really strange thing was that after a while i started doing some short flag moves...with no flags. wtf? i wasn't even in the short flags in high school.

fucking cheap ass whiskey! no, it wasn't the cheap whiskey it was the super insidiously tasty whiskey/crystal light pink lemonadey type concoction that they whipped up after we ran out of cherry pepsi. oh lordy was that a tasty bevy. never again i say! NEVER!

went to bed around 4am and woke up around 7am shaking. i think grendel's claw was lodged in my ass cheek. i let them out to play for a bit, i drank, no i gulped, inhaled and sucked down a nice tall glass of cold water, brushed my teeth and drank some more. i climbed back into bed thinking i wouldn’t sleep much more than this, but i didn't get back up until well after 2pm.

oh glory...oh bless! i fucking SLEPT!!! like i mean slept more than 4-6 hrs on the weekend! it was wonderful. WONDERFUL! 'oh yeah...we're still getting evicted. someone needs to come kill me now.' i thought.

Mobile post sent by Maharet using Utterzreply-count Replies.  mp3

No comments: