Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Making Amends From A Distance

the hooha letters
Originally uploaded by Maharet Raider
Rigid and I got into it this weekend. Since he’s been gone we’ve had only one other argument. It was a 30 second argument…it really wasn’t even an argument at all in fact. I had spent a lot of money the first month that he was gone. I was nervous, I’d never EVER been alone in my life and we needed a vacuum cleaner desperately. I could just see myself up to my eyeballs in cat litter, hair and hairballs and if I was going to tackle it all on my own then I needed a vacuum cleaner that could handle the task.

I decided that we needed a Dyson Animal. It took me a few days to work up the courage to spend that much money all at once but I finally did it. I had gone to several different stores and looked online for the best possible price. I wasn’t getting it any cheaper than $550.00. I figured the way we go through vacuum cleaners that’s about $100/yr. I bought some other cleaning product, my special swiffer vac and armed myself with a spot vac for pets. I didn’t get all these things at once mind you. Just over a few weeks.

Somewhere in between the Dyson and the Swiffer Vac my SUV got a flat and I found myself on the freeway with no cell phone. Luckily we live in Los Angeles and we have a freeway system in place for broken down vehicles so help came after a short wait. No phone call necessary, but I still freaked out. Not only did I have a flat, but the spare was flat as well. I could have sworn I told my husband to take care of these things before he left, but turns out he told me to take care of it with his first paycheck…FIRST paycheck. I forgot. I had other things on my mind. Like, how to keep from crying every time I see his picture or hear a song he likes. How I miss his tone deaf singing. I mean, I miss it so bad!

There went $350 on two new tires. One of the things I didn’t forget was that Rigid agreed I would need a cell phone. I decided on Boost Mobil since it’s $50.00 per month and unlimited everything. That’s what I call a sweet deal considering how much I love to text, blog and send pictures. Oh, I’m not that social. I’m pretty much talking to myself all day long. I convinced myself that because I’m a heavy blogger/picture taker/ texter/ audio blogger I would require the most wonderful phone on the market available to Boost, the i1 Motorola/Android. A phone like that would keep my mind WAY off my current situation and I wouldn’t miss him as much right? Right? Right. Well, there went another $350 plus $50 to activate the service.

Well, after all those expenses plus groceries and cleaning products I had spent close to $2000 in less than a month. I was leaving pebbles everywhere I went so I would write Rigid each expense. I would tally things up and send him the amounts and I in each letter I would say that I was going to save all my bonuses and put the money back.

At some point I received a call from him. It was the quickest call I’d gotten since he left Reception, but in less than 30 seconds he had me in hysterics. All he had to say was, “I looked at the bank account and saw that you spent nearly $2000 in less than a month. That’s kind of taking the piss don’t you think?” My mind shat itself. I blubbered out how much I needed the vacuum cleaner and I didn’t think about saving the tax by asking the BX to order it instead. As soon as he heard me blubbering he started apologizing. Said that it was okay, that of course I need the vacuum cleaner just that it was a bit of a shock. Begged me to stop crying and told me he was sorry. I felt HORRIBLE. It was the worst 2 minute phone call of my life. I had an instant headache and cried for hours afterwards.

Suddenly I got pissed and wrote the angriest letter ever. The next day I tore it to shreds. It took me several days to get over it and EVERYONE noticed that something was horribly wrong. A short 2 minute phone call just ruined my entire week starting from Sunday. Everyone from my best co-worker/friend down to my physical therapist knew something AWFUL went wrong. I cried for days and days. I would be angry then sad and angry all over again. Okay, I didn’t have to spend so much on the phone. It was a total luxury, but I wasn’t going to spend that kind of money every month. The phone would be my only luxury these next few months and it has been. Other than 1 video game, 3 at a time Netflix and a Gamefly membership. That’s my entertainment.

To be fair he totally understood and I totally understood. Everybody totally understood! The shitty thing was that I had no idea he understood completely until I received a letter days later. He wrote a letter of apology immediately after getting off the phone with me. That showed me a side of him that I wasn’t used to seeing. He can now quickly asses a situation, admit wrongdoing, take responsibility for his actions and make amends. This was a skill he lacked and one which took me a long time to draw out of him. I was so happy when I got that letter that every awful feeling I had just melted away. I didn’t let it go that easily of course. I never let things go easily but when I’m done with an issue I’m done. I’m not done mentioning it I’m just done being hurt about it. I never let things go. That’s probably a bad trait.

This past Saturday we had another argument. A truly pointless argument about ants and my duties as a wife if he ever were deployed.

Really? I mean fucking really?

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