Monday, September 13, 2010

Preparing For Xbox Live Reintegration

Next Monday Rigid will be at home most likely doing nothing. Settling back in is probably going to be a little difficult and getting him back into a cleaning routine will most likely be close to impossible. Still, it’ll be good to have my husband back home. One of the biggest regrets I’ve had about this separation is that I never took the time to fix his Xbox. We have two boxes sitting in a cabinet and neither one of them work properly. I don’t want to spend the money on a new box, but I might not have a choice if I don’t send one of these boxes to get fixed…and quick.

Reintegration, from what I’ve heard, can be a difficult transition. Reintegration on Xbox Live I can guarantee will be a nightmare. I can see it all now:

Rigid: TURN AROUND! He’s right behind you.
Maha: Leave me alone.
Rigid: Fine, I’m just trying to help. I’ll leave you alone then.
Maha: Good.

5 min later….
Rigid: To the left. Upper left…left, left LEFT! * blammo I take it in the head from the right * If you would have listened to me…
Maha: FUCK OFF! Don’t help me. YOU’RE NOT HELPING ME!
Rigid: Fine.

2 min later….
Maha: What?
Rigid: Why didn’t you turn the corner. You would have gotten the dude.
Maha: * some strange tooth sucking sound * Shut up.
Rigid: BUT….
Maha: SHUT UP! * WHACK I take it right in the back of the head * SHIT!
Rigid: See, I told you.
Maha: Asshole.

Normally at this point I would pull his hair, but the Army took it off so he has no hair for me to pull. My chest is aching just thinking about it. I know that he’ll have some catching up to do with his Xbox friends, but sharing the console has never been our strong suit.

Rigid: My turn.
Maha: You took two turns last time.
Rigid: My turn. Gimme.
Maha: That’s not fair! You took TWO WHOLE TURNS.
Rigid: Fine, go Poppet.

I then proceed to take my third turn. He’s forgetful, but when he catches on it can get ugly.

Maha: MINE!
Rigid: Nope, it’s still my turn.
Maha: MY TURN! (I grab for the controller)
Rigid: Fuck you Bitch. You took three turns. It’s my turn.
Maha: I did not! You lie Sir!!!
Rigid: Fuck you. My turn. You think I don’t notice? Eh? Eh?
Maha: Fine…Asshole.

DAMN IT! Why didn’t I fix his console? Why didn’t I use my transfer kit? Why didn’t I finish Alan Wake? Oh Mother Of Pearl why? WHY???

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