Thursday, September 9, 2010
Speaking Of Pulling Your Head Out Of Your Arse
Today was such a boring day. I had several things I wanted to do though. I had a bit of a plan. I would go to Yoga, Nate would call me, but I would have my headset and I would do my Yoga while on the phone with him. I had it all planned out. When the phone would ring I would turn to my Yoga instructor, shake my head and tell her to please continue while I speak to my husband.
I would then go home, clear out the closet for him, wash the mountain of dishes while getting at least 3 loads of laundry done and clean up my bedroom. Yes...I had high hopes.
So, not quite. I left my headset in the car. I didn't go back because I had the sinking suspicion he wouldn't call. He did. Instead of twisting around with the phone I acted like an adult and said okay when he said he could call me back. I kept doing my Yoga and being calm and zen like. I was proud of myself. My Yoga instructor was impressed and happy for me. Impressed? Really? No, I have no clue I was just saying that. HAHAHAHA
He called as I walked out only to get dropped time and again until we finally got a good signal. I hate that phone. I spoke to him most of the way home. I realized halfway through the conversation that I was the only one talking. We kept dropping or he had to go...I bought food and ate in silence at home. Mentally I was tackling the house bit by bit. He called as I ate and asked me a funny question. "What time are you flying in on the 15th Poppet?"
I didn't know, and I couldn't be asked at the moment. I was so happy I was able to talk to him for so long that I just didn't care. He insisted and so I found my itinerary and shit myself when I saw what I saw. I was flying in at 10:55pm on the 15th and arriving the NEXT day at 6am on the 16th. His Turning Blue Ceremony is that very morning. WTF was I going to do now?
Rigid and I started to bicker back and forth and I just didn't want to hear it so I cut him short before he got any ideas. He ended up having to leave anyway so we said our good byes. He was worried, but I just didn't have the time to worry about it. We left it with the idea that I was pretty much going to miss the Turning Blue Ceremony and probably will not make it in time to pin his blue cord on. I wanted to die.
I called Travelocity and found that I would have to pay, in addition to the $369 I've paid, $489 in order to schedule another flight. Can you hear the pebbles drop? Yeah, they're shitting me right? FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BASTARD AIRLINES. FUCK YOU, FUCK THE TSA, FUCK YOUR MOM, FUCK YOU SOME MORE. I was going to miss the ceremony for no reason other than the fact that I'm a moron. Apparently I can't do anything by myself. I cried like an idiot on the phone to the operator on the other end. She felt to sorry for me she tried to find a cheaper flight, said if only I had called yesterday I could have had my money back & gave me $30 off the price. I just bawled my eyes out.
I hung up because Rigid was calling again on the other line. He was surprised to find me hysterical. Tried to calm me down, I told him to let me fucking cry! Fuck, why do men shit themselves when women cry? I have to cry or I'm going to kill the cats and burn the plane down when I fly OKFUCKINGKAY?
Eventually I heard a strange sucking POP! Funny, I heard my head just snap back into place and when I smeared the shit off my eyes I remembered something funny. I scheduled that flight on purpose. It wasn't a mistake after all. The Turning Blue Ceremony isn't until 9:30am and unless they come out earlier I'll be there in plenty of time. I had it all worked out in my head. I wasn't able to book a better time because everything else was so expensive and there were no good available times. Nothing at all. I REMEMBERED!
I would have booked a flight for $250 2 weeks ago, but Rigid asked me to wait until he got back from the final field exercise. Those times would have been perfect. If I had ignored him and listened to my gut I would have been fine. Making simple decisions like that have become increasingly difficult without him here. That's the one thing I most certainly will admit. It's all about money and how much is being spent. Now THAT'S a matter of pulling my head out of my ass and being the strong independent woman that I know I am. Problem is how will I know what Rigid will be okay with or what he won't be? Will he ever say that I spent too much money again? Will I have to justify an expense again? I mean fuck all that. Not justify. Inform, talk, debate, but only when you can. Otherwise money has to be spent and I'm not spending it on bullshit.
I'm still angry that he made me feel so badly about spending that money in the beginning and then he has the GIANT fucking balls to tell me that I need to be able to handle things on my own? "There's money in the account Michelle. USE IT!" Stupid jerk. I'm still pissed about the ant incident apparently.
Talk about fragmented. *sigh* Well, at least he called and I realized what I had done and why. We parted tonight feeling a lot better, but I was exhausted. I did clean out the closet, but that's it. Everything is just sprawled out all over the spare room. I didn't clean a single dish or do a single load of laundry.
But whatever, at least I was able to pull my head out of my ass long enough to write this blog post right? Right? Heh heh heh....phff. Yeah.
Mistimed: 9:54 PM