Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The Bridal Shower Party

Maharet's Brood

From: Maharet_FB (Original Message) Sent: 11/7/2005 9:48 AM

okay, so this was supposed to be a shower/bachelorette party. the guys were leaving around the time the sex ed lady came around to do their own thing and then the stripper was supposed to show.

well....things didn't go according to plan. no one came to the shower except one of my cousins from san diego. my neighbor came and my sister and maid of honor. my sister made shit loads of jello shooter, misery bought a crap load of wine and we started drinking around 5 pm. the sex lady got there around 6 but we waited for more people to show. no one came. LOL it was so funny. so we got started with the sex ed lady. the boys joined us as well.

so we sat there passing around dildo's and lubrication and lotions...all sorts of stuff. i couldn't wait to buy something. course by this time i'm fucking blitzed! and at this point my sister started the little drinking game she concocted....heh........heh.......

we all had name tags on.. mine was Likmai Toona and rigid was Hugh G. get the picture. oh....and for some reason the likes of which is still a mystery to me i decided not to eat anything until after the sex lady was done displaying her wares. sister kept interrupting her to make people take shots when they said the wrong name (we were supposed use the name tag names only) we realize now that it was a huge error in judgement on our part.....and the even huGER error was when my sister decided to give double and triple shots for saying the wrong name back to back.

for instance the first time i made a mistake i called oren, my neighbor...oren instead of dirty pussy. i took a shot. the second time i said gloria twice (my sister) instead of Ivana Humpalot and i took a double shot. the third time i fucked up royally cause i called my sister 3 times in a row so she served me a triple shot.......the whole idea was just flat out idiotic....i had eaten so many jello shooters (which were fucking strong as hell) and had so much wine that i couldn't see straight....then throw all the shot's into the mix. at one point i remember being really thirsty and drinking wine to quench my thirst. i think misery saw that and gave me water to drink...course by this time i can't remember a god dammed thing....anyhow i'm jumping ahead of myself so lets get back to the sex lady.

so i'm like on my triple shot and sipping on that (cause i pounded the other shots like no tomorrow) and rigid thinks i'm perfectly fine. apparently i wouldn't detach myself from his face and kept asking him to stay, but then the stripper got there and he ran out of the house like a bat out of hell taking oren and simmer (his best man) with him. my brother in law stayed behind to watch the kids so that was another guy that didn't get to go with nate. well, the real fun began at this point. a few more people had already gotten there so there were a few extra girls there. the stipper....i can't even remember what he looks like because i was busy closing my eyes and and sheilding my face from his swinging junk. at one point he bent me over and threw my legs up and proceded to hump me in mid air....i have pictures....that mother fucker was strong. lol

he then laid me down on the floor and threw his towel off and started to swing his stuff around my face. it felt like a little feather was sweeping across my cheek. my eyes were shut tight and my head was bent so far back i could touch the floor with my cheek! i was freaking the hell out already. i mean that was more than enough for me and quite fun, but the fucker decides to flash everyone my boobs and try to .....anyway i don't want to get too graphic but i literally shoved the guy so hard i nearly knocked him the fuck down. he also yanked my unides all the way up so that they looked like freakin' thongs and tried to take my pants fucking way am i going to let someone do that. and then he turns me around suddenly and begins to spank me on the ass!!!! HARD!!!!! well, retelling this is really funny and going through it was hilarious. i had so much fun i was screaming and laughing my ass off the whole time. and misery took some good pictures. after he was done with me he started to work on the rest of the girls. i got some good pictures too. that was so much fun.

the next thing i know its over and the sex lady is going on about her plastic penisesses. and at this point things begin to get really foggy. the other stipper got there and my sister started to bicker with them. apparetnly we were one black guy short (don't ask) and she was asking the guy what happened. well he got offended and all the strippers left with all the money. misery kept trying to tell me that my sister was fighting with the stripper....i don't quite remember what happened, but i ment to come around to see what was going on but my body wasn't moving. i just turned to look at her and her mouth was moving, but i couldn't hear was like a freaking 30 second delay. lol after that i don't know what the hell happened.

mis told me i went outside with everyone and smoked some more cig's....i was drinking wine. people eventually started to leave . some firemen came to the house and told my sister and her friends to be careful and go back inside the house....(i don't know why) someone cut my cake though i dont remember who or where i was or even who I was. the next thing i know i'm having an out of body experience. i saw my mom take me by the arm and walk me to the bedroom to go lie down. i saw us walking away into the room...what a fucking nut!!! turns out i was crying the whole time. i remember my mom asking me what was wrong and i said i was drunk.....mis came to the room and asked me the same.....all i knew was that i was drunk.

people were asking me things and i kept answering, but i don't think any of it ever made much sense. the next thing mis knows is that one min i was crying and the next i was out like a light. passed out cold. mom got scared cause i wasn't responding at all. the eventually called rigid and simmer and they rushed back home. party was over and the bride probably had alcohol poisoning. wonderful.

so rigid gets there and then the real fun begins. he tried to take me home. i'll say it again.....HE TRIED TO TAKE ME HOME. he woke me up had my neighbor take my shoes off and tried to get me to walk. he said i said i wanted to go home....i can't remember anything. it's all a blur. they kept telling me to walk, but i couldn't register it. my feet wouldn't move or they'd try to move together and i'd collapse. there was no way i was getting out of there on my own. then rigid said i tried to dig my nails into his arms for some reason so he decided to leave me there. so i stayed at my moms house and woke up all alone. *pop* my little brain turned back on around 7 am and i was like "what the fat fucking hooha happened to me last night?" well my mom woke up a little after me and started to tell me how horrible rigid was. that he kept yelling at her so she yelled back...all kinds of stuff. basically i ruined his night out and can't remember mine. lmao!

all in all i had a great time at least that's what they tell me! i just wish i could remember it!!!!

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