From: Maharet_FB (Original Message) Sent: 10/3/2005 9:44 AM
hi, my name is maharet and i'm a bridezilla. LMAO (that's "Laughing My Ass Off" for you computer ...i was going to say illiterate, but i don't want to upset anyone. HAHAHAHAHA) i am about ready to go postal on everyone. i'm freaking out about stupid things. concentrating on little details that i really should be leaving up to other people. why???? is it my nature to want to control everything around me at all times? don't you dare answer that you fuckers!
you know what i mean....i know you do it to...yeah you! you know who you are.....were all the same. were getting married, were planning all the details, not leaving anything massive to anyone...then suddenly your not even leaving the little things to anyone. suddenly your miss bridezilla controlfreakextrordinaire and everyone is just about this close to hating you. lol no, i know i'm exaggerating and no one hates me but i'm honestly starting to hate myself. WHEN DID I TURN INTO SUCH A WHINNY BITCH?
it seems like just when one of my friends plugs up a hole i didn't know was there another one has to suddenly come to my rescue for something entirely different, but.....as they say, knowing is half the battle... i think i got that from GI Joe. lol and i think i've finally realized what's wrong with me. yes, there's pressure from work under which i'm about to crack at any moment. there's pressure from my wedding plans, though friends and family are helping me out as best as they can. to be honest though i think most of the pressure on either of these two things is simply coming from me. i'm starting to panic and am making mistakes because i'm so fucking TIRED. the other day i took rigid with me to downtown to buy a few things. i couldn't find nice ribbon anywhere and i needed some for my invites....wonderful.....i go to downtown and don't find much of what i need. why? went on a sunday. i bought one of the ribbons i liked and a few extras just in case. i realized after i was at another store two blocks away that i wasn't sure if i liked the ribbon at all....
at the other store i bought the silver paint for my stand and cage. great. so then i get the bright idea to buy 50 yrds of tulle....awesome. i mean i don't know what the hell i'm going to do with it but my crafty friend with know what to do....she always knows what to do with loads of tulle. LMAO so i bought it. they didn't have anything to put the crap in and they didn't have that much pre-rolled for me so the BITCH (the girl behind the counter) took 50 yards and shoved it into a black garbage back and charged me .10 cents less for the tulle and aske me if that was okay. i said sure......as i got into the car i started to realize that the tulle was going to rumple really badly, and rumple it did. by the time we got home after all the other shopping the tulle was a mess. it was completely wrinkled and i was pissed. i nearly started to cry. part of that was supposed to go to my veil and know i can't fucking use it. so i thought...don't panic. i'll take my friend with me and we'll get tulle just for my veil or maybe even just freaking buy one ready made.
but it seems like.....i don't even know what i'm complaining about now. it seems like i take care of one little thing and another stupid little thing comes up and all these silly little things are starting to pile up on me. so i'm stressed...and i'm stressed......and i'm fucking shitting my pants because i'm stressed. lol i think i'm stressing everyone around me just because i'm stressed out and it has to stop. i have to start enjoying this at some point and i think that point should pretty much be now. i mean dont get me wrong. i've been having fun with all the planning, but i think my problem is an emotional turmoil that i probably can't stamp out for a long while and all i can do is give myself time to heal....well, i'm going full steam ahead with my wedding and heal i will.....before, during and after my wedding. HAH so there emotions. chew on that for a bit.
with that being said after having stayed up until 1:15 in the very early morning with my crafty friend who came to my emotional rescue (i have to mention that misery also had come to my rescue earlier in the day....so she felt sorry for me and invited me to the movies. lol jk i know you didn't feel sorry for me. oh hell....just admit it. you did, even just a little bit. lmao) i realized something. no...no no no no no, i can't make everyone happy. but i sure as hell am going to try (within reaon). no, i can't control everything, but i'm going to work hard to make things happen as smoothly as possible. okay, my emotions are going to run high the next few weeks, but i have to get a hold of myself and keep my prespective and finally NO....i'm not alone. i have my friends and they'll ALWAYS be there for me so long as i don't push them away.
i think the hardest part for me has been asking for help. but this is just about crunch time and at this point i'm goint to take all the help i can get. SO these are my goals for the next few weeks:
if we decide to do a bridal shower it will have to be on the 22nd. pumpo is doing a halloween party on the 29th. though he did offer to do halfers at his girlfriends house (halfday bridal/half day halloween party). they offered before, but of course who could have guessed that i, being the dumbass that i am, would have choseN halloween weekend to do a bridal thing.... HAHAHAHA it had to be me. what would this mean two parties in one! woohooo, and granted i had considered doing a halloween/bridal party anyhow, but i'm still not sure....i think this would also mean loads of pressure on the host for the bridal AND the halloween party and i simply don't want to do that to pumpo and cat. nice as it would have been, there is no way i could impose like that so if mis and i decide to go through with this it will have to be the saturday before or after halloween.
i have to buy the lasso and decide on a veil so i'm taking my friends this weekend to downtown. yippe another girlday. and let me tell you i really need this one! lol this will give me the opportunity to check out some more veils and decide on whether or not to have one made or buy one ready made. if we do a shower i'll buy some preprinted invites there or:
buy the shower invites online. i'll only need a few i think so i can get away with that and still keep cost down.
get the word out that the shower will be a simple bb-q/potluck. i just want us to have a little preparty to have a little fun and release a little pressure not create more so i have to remind myself to have fun with this.
i want to do my own cake for the shower and I DON'T CARE! ha ha ha ha. everyone knows i wanted to do my own cake for the wedding ,but i got talked out of it...which is a good thing, but i don't think i can be talked out of the shower cake!!! it's my therapy! :)
choose a date for the bridal shower. either a week before or after or joint. eitherway i intend on going to a halloween party!!! muahahahaha.
and last but not least, pay the organist, pay for the marriage license and take my pre-wedding pic's at the photographers & buy the CHAMPAGNE. *clapping wildly* hee hee hee hee heeee......
i'm starting to feel like my old self again. so many things to do and so very little time, but i intend on making the most of it. tonight, my friend/hair ariteest is going to take me to a winery to check out some champagne. said it would be cheaper and vowed to ply me with a bottle of wine and start on a pre-wedding hairdo. so in the end i know things will come together just the way it's supposed to. and i, and everyone else, just have to go along with the ride.*sigh* amen and hallelujah! lol
stay tuned for my next installment: Bridezilla Attacks Again!!!! (insert horribly screechy godzilla noise here)
Going Bridal : silly stuff in here. i love the confessions. i'll have to write my own! he hee hee
BridezillaSyndrome: i have yet to read this
The B-Word: well, at least it's me calling myself bridezilla and it's only for my own emotional hell that i'm putting myself through. but i'm better now *twitch* i really am.... . *bites ear*