XBrood Live: The Flood
Friday, March 31, 2006
Did you know cat’s could swim? I didn’t. Yesterday I walked into my apartment and found that everything was as it should be. I don’t have a drier, so I had some laundry hanging in the kitchen. I spotted a puddle of water on the floor under a pair of pants. I thought that was strange, but figured they must have been really wet. Didn’t occur to me that they looked dry… so I walked towards the bedroom to change into my comfy pj’s. I slowly shuffled past my sofa when suddenly *squish squish* … water. WATER. There was water everywhere. I stood frozen on the spot like a deer caught in the headlights. A quick glance into the bathroom directly in front of me was enough to let me know exactly what happened. The toilet flooded. But why? I couldn’t see anything. No paper no nothing. Plus I was sure it flushed fine that morning.
I stared at my closed bedroom door directly to my left and prayed that the water, which was about one inch deep in the bathroom, hadn’t seeped into the room. When I finally regained control of my senses I walked back the way I came and into my u-shaped kitchen as I tried dialing my husband on my cell phone muttering, “Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my” *squish “Fuck! Oh Fuck….. Oh FUCK NO WAY.” Much to my dismay I found the kitchen flooded in patches as well. As I walked around the bend in the kitchen I realized that the water didn’t come from the short hallway that lead straight to the bathroom. No, it went through the wall and under the refrigerator and washer. I could not believe what I was seeing.
I finally got a hold of Rigid and he started yelling that the management company would have to pay for all the damages and get someone out there right away and blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, why did I call him first? Whatever, I called the management Co and they sent people out faster than I’ve ever seen them respond to anything in the entire time I’ve lived there. My ass could be flapping in the wind with broken windows in the house and they’d take a month to come and fix it, but this they came to my rescue for. Thank god because I was freaking out. You have to understand, I’m not a great housewife. I work, my husband works and we don’t have a spic and span house. We’re lazy video game slackers that will never amount to anything in life but procreation and video game expertise. I’m about to have a bunch of men come into my house and see my chonies (that’s undies) and socks hanging all over the kitchen! Worst of all the water did exactly as I feared. It seeped into the bedroom and THROUGH the wall which meant I’d have to move my king sized bed by myself and clean up the disgusting mess underneath it before the carpet guy got there.
The only thing I could think of was these people were going to walk into my house and think I’m just a fucking pig of a woman that can’t keep her house clean. So I ran round picking the house up while trying to figure out how I was going to attack the bed. The plumbers eventually got there as I’ve somehow managed to lift the king sized mattress and box frames so I ran to the kitchen and started to pick up the clean laundry that I should have put away the night before. They came inside only to find a crazy sweaty girl with an armful of laundry piled up so high they could just see my eyes. A really queer look came across their faces. I couldn’t figure out if they looked scared or were trying to suppress a laugh as I lead them to the bathroom. I pointed them do the right direction and when they had their backs turned jumped into the spare bedroom across the way from the bathroom, tossed the laundry on the pile king sized bedding and ran back to my room to finish cleaning under the bed.
The plumbers were finished before I was done picking up all the dust ball covered pennies. When I was done running around like a chicken with my head cut off I called Rigid to ask him if he could help me with the water when he got home because I felt broken at that point. I’m not going to get into the conversation because I’m just too tired and I want to go home. After stupidly trying to pick up the inch of water in my bathroom with a tiny mop I ran into the spare room cursing the day I met my husband, grabbed all my clean towels and threw them on the floor to sop up all the water. Don’t ask me why I was trying to get that done before the carpet guy got there because when I went into the kitchen to try to do the same there and found that there was actually more water in there I realized something. Wouldn’t the carpet guy have a machine to pick all this up too? Fuck it. It was too late anyway. By the time I realized that I already had most of the water off the floor so I just finished it up.
The carpet guy got there with his up to date Bluetooth techno gear hanging off his ear and this super nifty vacuum. Actually I never saw the vacuum, just the hose that attached to it in his truck. He was really jazzed that everything was so clean and thanked me over and over. I was a little taken aback. I guess I over did it with the bed and the water but who cares. No one thought I was a pig of a woman that can’t keep her house clean. So there! Eventually rigid came home and I was so happy to see him that I didn’t care about the incident we had on the phone. Once he got there everything was peachy. The cats were in the spare room freaking out because of the unbelievable noise the truck/vacuum put out and my hubby was out foraging McDonalds for sustenance. When he got back the carpet guy left and I jumped online with Viol8r and Nino Del Sol while we grubbed. There’s a big fan underneath my carpet and a dehumidifier sitting in the bathroom that is going to be running all night and day, but all in all everything went pretty well. We had a great time playing after we finished our dinner and then we got ready for bed… that’s when things went wrong.
Stay tuned for next weeks installment…. When Morrigan Strikes Again!!!
Posted by Maharet at 1:02 PM