XBrood Live: Gaming VS Wedded Blis
Friday, March 10, 2006
Posted by Maharet at 10:19 AM
Gaming VS Wedded Blis
Previously Posted on MSN Groups 1/26/2006 11:11 am
I think the honeymoon is over. Wow.... what a way to start a new entry. If you think that's dramatic then you’ve never gamed with a married couple. Yes people, were out there. Were out there and were all bickering like HELL. It doesn't matter how you met or how you started gaming together. It’s all the same story. You’re in love. You start out playing with one another
and nothing could be greater. You’re sharing the greatest and most important thing in your life with your loved one and it's the best feeling in the whole wide world and you could not possibly be happier. And you don't care if you lose. You simply tell yourself your partner is just.... learning, having a bad day, distracted, off, stressed, only having fun, it's not about the points, who-cares-if-i-fucking-lose-a-g-o-d-dammned-fucking-rank-cause-it's-all-bullshit-anyway right? They call this bliss.
And then something happens.... bliss be dammed. Sharing a television is suddenly bullshit! Split screen sucks ass and you can't wait to get your own box because your sick of hearing the shit that spews out of your loved ones mouth....CONSTANTLY! You’re sick of getting raped time and time again because they do not own up to your expectations. Because they're not going where you want them to go or moving how you need them to move or killing who you want them to kill so YOU can WIN. Now does this make any sense? We’re in the prime of our lives.... OUR PRIME yet we're suddenly being reverted backwards. We’re reliving our childhoods. Suddenly I want to bash my husband over the head with my controller and tell him it's my video game, it's my TV, it's my Xbox, it's my account, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's MINE! I’m remembering how I used to feel when I died because of something my sister did or didn’t do.... I’m remembering the fights I used to have with her and how horrible it was. The way my mom used to have to buy us two of everything because we couldn't share. We didn't know how to 'play nice'.
You might be thinking that as adults this can't possibly be an issue of sharing. Well, you’re totally fucking wrong. It’s absolutely an issue of sharing. There’s something in all of us that doesn't allow us to share willingly. Think about it. Your made to share everything with you sibling because of your parents and if your parents can't get you to share they either take your treasure away or buy two to compensate. In other words to shut you the fat fuck up! Now your all grown up, you have a passion. You game to your hearts content because you can. You make your own money and you support your own household and you still have a love of video games so you play. And Xbox live was a lovely concept and allowed you to easily share your passion with your friends, your family, and your lover.... your fucking dog! No need for everyone to have a computer to chat and play.... no! And you loved it.... you loved it with a passion the likes of which nothing compared. Nothing expect for the burning passion you have for your partner...the partner you now would very much like to drown in a bucket of shallow dirty water.
Don’t laugh! It’s not funny. Especially when the cops come knockin' on your door:
Cop#1: "ahem, sir, your under arrest for drowning your wife in a bucket of
shallow dirty water. Do you understand sir?"
Husband: "um, yeah. You know
what I understand ocifer? I understand that I told the stupid bitch to run
out of the base with the enemy flag when I opened the gate and the MORON
went up the stairs instead! How fucking stupid is that? What the hell am I
opening the gate for then???*Hiccup*"
Cop#2: "but sir, we've checked the map
on Bungie .net and according to our analyst she would have been surrounded by
three enemies at the gate. The stairs would have been her best option"
Husband: yeah, so.... phff. *Scratching his tinsy nut sack* after 3 years of
playing you'd think she could take 'em.
It’s not funny.... I totally see it happening. I like this scenario:
Wife: hello, 911?
911 operator: yes ma'am, what is the nature of your
Wife: hi, yeah. Um.... I killed my husband.
911 operator: is
Wife: no, he's pretty dead.
911 operator: what happened?
Ma'am just letting you know an emergency service has been notified and will be
Wife: ok, thanks...*weeping*
911 operator: ma'am can you
tell me what happened.
Wife: he said I sucked!!!!
911 operator: he said what? You suck at what ma'am. It’s okay, don't cry.
Wife: *sobbing* we were playing on halo2 in matchmaking against 6 other opponents. It’s was on assault.
911 operator: you assaulted him?
Wife: no! The game was assault! I had the bomb and I tried to take it to the base, but I didn't turn left like he said I should. I went right! I went the long way and we lost the game and he was screaming and screaming that we lost because of me and he said I sucked and needed to learn how to play better so I sucked less because I can't possibly suck more than I sucked then. He said I should suck his cock as good as I suck at this game!!!!!!!!!
911 operator: oh my.... and then what happened?
Wife: I rammed my controller in his mouth and choked him with the cord.... damn, I think I broke a nail too!!!! *Sobbing*
911 operator: well ma'am...you did the right thing. Calling...yeah...right thing in calling.
SO at what point do you draw the line. At what point to you say enough is enough. When is it time to get a new box? Or is it easier to set up a schedule? To you assert yourself as a female gamer and say 'F U husband! Let me play my way or don't play with me at all!!!' I don't have the answers. I can tell you that I’ve had a few bits of advise from a few fellow girl gamers and the choices are quite varied.
· Don’t share your box
· NEVER play together especially if you PMS'ing
· Tell him nicely to put a sock in it.
· Ignore him
· Teach him to be agood sport
Some male gamers have also given me advice as to how to handle it
· Shove a size 12 up his arse
· Tell him to bend over and stick a flute up his pussy
· Learn how to play better and maybe he won't bitch at you
· Cut his dick off.
· If you take it up the ass he won't have time to think about anything else.
I wasn't too keen on that last one, but you see what I mean? lol Seriously though something needs to be done!!! We either need to learn to co-operate or devise a plan to stray from games like halo2. The last and best hope we may have of peace would be to switch genres completely. RPG's here I come!!!