XBrood Live: Pregnancy Live on GTP
Friday, March 10, 2006
Posted by Maharet at 9:09 AM
Pregnancy Live on GTP
Wow, there's a super nice girl on GTP that's pregnant. I couldn't help but write something about it because It really struck a cord in me. I know I only just got re-married and we've got time, but I'm sick to death of hearing about these young girls getting sneezed on and WHAMMO they're pregnant. I need you all to understand that I'm truly happy for this person... way deep down happy, but there's a part of me that's feeling a little bitter. I'm 31 and she's 19. You get the picture?
I've pretty much been disappointed month after month. Both my husband and I are ready for children and it's an experience were both ready to undertake. We've waited long enough. We've experienced the world, did what we set out to do and plan to keep on going, but we both want to start our family now. It's just not happening. Last year we got pregnant around May and miscarried. The experience left me so devistated that I shut down internally. I didn't share my problems with anyone. I became a ticking timebomb. I eventually went off, did a little damage and went back to normal. Sort of.
I can't help but wonder if I shouldn't have been so careful in my youth. If maybe I should have been "reckless" and "irresponsible". You can never know what's going to happen to you in life. How your experiences will affect you. I went to College and I know I would have gone to college with or without a baby. I still didn't finish and it had nothing to do with any tiny "burden". It's just the way things happened and though I know I could and should have gone back to finish I never did. Had I a child at the time that's the excuse people would have used to explain my life away. I didn't have that excuse... I did have one mind you.
Well, I'm really okay. I'm letting time pass me and trying not to worry so much about what hasn't happened yet. I think that after the diasappointment I suffered through last month I'm simply going to live my days with my head held high. I'm going to keep on doing the things that give me joy and improving my many skills. I have skills damn you. I'm okay with a sniper rifle on Halo2, so whenever I start to feel a little bad about hot having a baby I just shoot a 13 year old between the eyes and jump for joy. And when I hear a little kid screaming obsenities or racial slurs I thank the Lord it's not mine 'cause I'd be walking by the television smacking my kid on the back of the head every 10 min if it was. I'd give it brain damage.