Friday, November 9, 2007

Part Two: Cracks In The Dishes

Continued from: Part One: Cracks In The Dishes

ARSE! I was embarassed and ashamed of myself that I would speak to him that way in public within earshot of another man. Granted he was probably arguing with his wife about how best to put the baby in the booster seat, but he still looked at us. I wasn't speaking all that loudly really, but you could see by my face and the threatening way I stood in front of Ridig's face that I was furious. That other man put his head down so fast when he made eye contact with me that it nearly made me laugh.

We finally got into our car and made our way to Target after several appologies on his behalf. Maybe one or two on mine. I felt a little better when I got there. We grabbed all the mundane little things we needed for the house. Just the basics, toothpaste, mouthwash, litter, shampoo and nail polish. What? A girl needs sparkly fingers. Sparkles... I like sparkles. (LOL and I looked at my nails just now. :P) We decided to take a look at the dishes.

I took a look, but I was sure I wouldn't really like anything. We talked about the styles and what colors we might like. He wanted green knowing green is my favorite color in the world. In fact I'm wearing a stripped green blouse and green looks cooler than it sounds trust me. I don't want green plates. I have green highlighters, green post its, green "sign here" stickums, green pens, markers and pencils, green shoes, a green wallet, green blouse, green dish soap, green hand soap, green hand towels and bathroom towel, green sofa, chase, and two giant chairs...I'm running out of breath here, but you get the picture. I LOVE FUCKING GREEN. I-DO-NOT-WANT-GREEN-DIHES!!!

So I said no. No green dishes dear. That prompted him to point at poo colored dishes and watery diareah color dishes and I'm like... huh? So he's going for the earth tones. WHO CARES? I roll my eyes a little saying no, maybe no, meh...and suddenly I spotted them. AT TARGET! These thick soft beige dishes in a brick red border and gold embossed flowers. Flowers! Me! Yeah, I was honestly shocked too, but my eyeballs just peeled back and I swear if I had it in me to squeal like a little girl I so would have! But I'm just too cool for that. Instead my shoulders pop back, my eyebrow raises and I stare at them intently while saying, "Loooook Hoohaaaa...these are reeeaaaally cuuuuute." I trace the outline of the flowers gently with my finger. I'm mezmerized by the color combination, the modern look of the dish and the antiqued undertones. When did staring at a set of dishes ever prompt you to think that way?

"Bloody hell! Those are fucking hideous!" screeched Rigid.

Typical. I actually ignored his comment, and we continued to discuss other styles. The prices of all the dishes I remotely liked seemed extortionate to me, but that's the price you pay for something you'll enjoy right? We didn't get them, though those dishes stayed in my head for a long time. We may have argued for a bit about them, but he offered to take me to Ikea instead. That made me feel a lot better. He kissed me and hugged me before putting me in the car. My heart swelled. He loves me and wants me to be happy...he only wants the best for me, I know this.

We made it to Ikea. As he got ready to make a left turn into the parking lot two cars began to round the corner ahead of us. They were going a bit slow but were beginning to pick up speed. I knew if he tried to take it we'd just barely make it. He hesitated and so did the car heading towards us, but Rigid floored it. We really did just barely make it. I fucking hate it when he does that to me. What pisses me off is when he starts lying to me about WHY he does it. The car never looks like it was going to stop, or make a left turn. Not once. I practically FLEW out of the car when we parked and jammed it to the Ikea. I lost his ass somewhere between the desk chairs and the candles.

I walked so fast I was starting to feel the muscles in my legs. People weren't moving fast enough and I REALLY wanted to knock the fuck out of this little kid that got in my way. I just wanted to kick the little fucker in the knee, instead I stood there looking down at him. His mother seeing something in my face gave me a funny look and took her child by the hand removing him from my path. I continued on and made it to the cookware/dinnerware section. The dinnerware section was so small I couldn't believe my eyes. I gave it a quick once over and instantly knew I hated all the dishes. I hate shopping like this. I don't feel well...obviously something is wrong and I'm hating myself for losing Rigid like that. What a fucking asshole.

I tried to look busy as the guilty feelings washed over me. I missed him desprately and I so wanted him to be there with me. I stood staring at containers, coffee mugs, cup holders and overn mits, but I never saw a thing. I just waited for him to find me. Will he find me? How long will I wait? Maybe he went back to the car? Maybe he left me here? I deserve that you know. I'd probably do the same if he treated me so shamefully. I'm a HORRIBLE WIFE! I wanted to cry, but I saw him out of the corner of my eye and suddenly the Nopal was back.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Nopal, it's the catctus we fiery Latinas are famed for. It usually resides on our forehead. It's a rather insipid thing until our feathers get ruffled. Once that happens all hell breaks loose and what was once a tiny happy flowery Nopal is now a hugely bloated thorny Nopal just protruding out of our foreheads and smaking anyone that gets to close impaling them in the face and eyes with our horrible Nopal spines.

Rigid came straight for me and I expected the worst. My Nopal prepared itself for a fight. He tried to grab me and I wouldn't let him, he hugged me and my Nopal smacked him on the head and shoulders. He said he was sorry and he was wrong and shouldn't have scared me like that. Then he tried to kiss me, my Nopal cockblocked his ass succesfully, but he wasn't to be deterred and smacked me one right on the lips. My Nopal became a flowery nopalito again and we proceeded to discuss the Ikea dishes. They were horrible. I could have snapped the plate with my bare hands right in two.

We eventually made our way out and headed to the Target next door. We were happy again and loving. We tried to park, but this man had all the doors on his Mini-Van open. We waited patiently, and I swear he looked up from whatever it was he was doing and just kept on. The Nopal came back and I INSTANTLY exploded out of my car. "EXCUSE ME, CAN I CLOSE THIS DOOR PLEASE WE'RE TRYING TO PARK." slam!!! "THANK YOU." He nodded stupidly and smiled. We grumbled into the store in unision annoyed that we were made to wait. I think the Nopal is inffectious. When you associate with Latinas/os for long periods of time you are given an honorary Nopal in time. When you marry one you're given one instantly. We share ours happily. We're united again.

Back to the dishes. I'm hoping that this store will be a little different. It was and I still hated everything. There was another couple having a rather loud and excited discussion about how many plates and saucers to buy. They were happy. I wanted to slam her face into her shopping cart and pull all her blond hair out then shove it into her husbands giant mouth. Possibly poke her eyeballs out. I don't know. I said, "These dishes suck!" and I kept walking. What in the fuck was wrong with me? I could find no joy in anything. Rigid pointed out dishes and I kept turning them down. I mean if I was 50...

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