Thursday, December 27, 2007

Ninja Golfing with Jas

This is a little story that Jas shared with me

"Well…The ninja story is best told/heard when drinking….but I’ll give it a go.

One July morning, in summer of 1989, I was playing golf. I went to Kellogg GC, in Peoria IL, because the Men’s City Tourney was being held there later that summer, and I wanted to practice. (I’m from there) It was early….maybe 6:30 a.m. when I started….I preferred to play alone when I was practicing seriously.

I don’t know if you have ever golfed, but I came to a par-5, which was the 3rd hole then, and is now the 7th I believe….anyway, after laying up on my drive to the fairway in front of the lake, I pulled my next shot into the rough on the left side of the hole…not a very good shot…maybe 20 feet from the woods on the left that lined the left side of the hole. I clearly remember yelling “Motherfucker!!!!!!” Then a long string of expletives…as well, and I walked up to my ball.

I was trying to decide what club to use, when I heard some rustling around in the tree line, and I could make out a figure.

What happened next could only be described as surreal. The person stepped out of the woods…and was wearing a ninja suit. An all black, hood covering his/her face, with a slit for the eyes to see through ninja suit. Ninja started walking towards me, and I called out “ A little early for Halloween, isn’t it?” He kept walking toward me…and stopped a few feet away….and pulled out a sword…a samurai sword..or a kitana…whatever….I am no expert in the blades of the martial arts, but it was long and sharp. I know it was sharp because the ninja took a swing at me with it…and on his follow-through, sliced a small sapling in two…..clean in two…..

I jumped back, and cleverly yelled “Hey Asshole!!!” I grabbed my putter, and bashed the ninja in the head with it. It made a sound kinda like “Kuh-thump,” almost like the sound made when beating a rug to get the dust out…maybe….that’s as close I can approximate. I was using my mom’s old putter, as she had quit playing, and I had always played well with hers, even though it was sorta girly….yellow leather handle, and a yellow mallet head. This was nice, as it gave the club some extra heft….good for bashing the ninja I suppose, as it turned out.

The ninja collapsed in a heap….and I took a step back to collect myself…more of a “what the fuck just happened” moment. I nudged him with my foot…but he just kinda groaned…and laid there. I hit my ball on the green, and 2 –putted for my par….as I looked back, he was still laying on the ground on the left side of the rough…I went to the next tee, and continued to play. I shot a 78 that day…which isn’t too bad considering.

I have no idea who that was, or what in the bloody blue hell they were doing. None at all." ~ Jason

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