Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A Leather Coat Beats Out Rainbow 6: Vegas 2 Everytime

I've been really trying to concentrate on studying. Doing anything other than that has been very difficult. This really isn't a very difficult exam. At least it shouldn't be, but finding the time to dedicate myself to nothing but study has proven itself to be more than a little painful. I want to play, I want the new Rainbow 6 and I want to buy a $150 leather coat (previously retailing at $259 CHACHING!) AND go out to breakfast, lunch and dinner with Rigid whenever we want. Unfortunately this can not be so this weekend when my neighbor, who is NOT a gamer by the way, convinced me that I needed this lovely off white all leather coat I just didn't deny myself. He brought the coat over to me and I gasped. I'd tried on several at his insistence...you know...just to try them. I had no intention of spending $200 on a thin Calvin Klein coat that looked just PERFECT on me. Damn, now I'm going to have to tell you the story... and here I thought I'd make this one short. HAH!

There I was trying on a cool little sports jacket, the kind that looks like I should be riding a motorcycle in a Kill Bill movie only it was white with pink stipes. It looked cool... well, it would have looked cool if it didn't squish the living hell out of my tits so bad that I ended up looking like a tube of fucking toothpaste. We laughed at my misery and as I went to show Rigid my boobless tube-like chubby body and when I came back my neighbor was gone. I began to remove the jacket when he popped around the corner with this beautiful simple coat in his arms. I jumped towards him and in my excitement tried to shove my arms into the sleeves in a most unladylike manner. He laughed lightly and politely told me, "No no no, hold on. Allow me." All... gallant like. He positioned me in front of him, asked me to relax my arms and let them fall behind me the slid the coat right up. I felt like I was in a department store. The coat fit like a glove and I loved it. My brain started rattling off numbers. Groceries, bills, gas, Rainbow 6 Vegas.... What can I do without? Groceries. Yeah... I'm sure I have enough groceries.... Not. So, $150 on a leather coat vs 2 Rainbow 6: Vegas 2 games. Gee what a conundrum. For $20 more I get a coat that will last me the rest of my life.

It was missing a button and the strap was dangling for which I'd be getting an extra 15% off, but I was going to buy it anyway because I could easily have that mended on my own. When I got to the counter I found a scratch. A nice deep scratch and there was no fixing it. The woman helping us quickly went to find another coat in the same size and did. I was a little confused. Was I relieved or anxious that she found another? I haven't spent that kind of money on any single garment in a long long time. I held my breath and kind of hoped I'd find another problem to use as an excuse. I looked it over carefully and found nothing. Not a thing. A quick inhale and, "Okay, I'll take it." as I breathed out. I chatted with my neighbor about loving the coat and not believing that he found it while holding the sleeve. I said something else to him and I pointed towards him still holding the sleeve in my hand and spotted a huge ink mark on it. No way, was this going to come out. I would NOT buy this coat with an ink mark on it. PHEW....

They tried to remove it, but it didn't come out. My neighbor was disappointed that I didn't get what I wanted, but we left. He stayed behind talking to the lady at the counter, apparently they knew each other. My neighbor knows everyone. He's one of those very friendly people, very social and very happy which means that everywhere we go it's like walking with a celebrity. Jubilant smiling faces greet you every time you turn around and you begin to wonder... Just what exactly does this UBS neighbor guy do? Very mysterious indeed.

Still, I walked out feeling deflated and relieved at the same time. I joined Pumpo and Rigid at the Guitar Center across the way and my neighbor joined us shortly after. He let me know that they would try to take the ink mark out and they'd call him if they did... While we strolled around. I figured that was okay, if they got the mark out it's meant to be right? It's like... fate.

We continued to amble around among the guitars and other musical equipment which I was never able to master. String after string and cord after cord... all a deep reminder of the miserable musical failure that was I, that I am still. The twangy strings of the banjo remind me of my father, the deep guitar notes of his boots, the pianos remind me of my grandmother and my dead aunts melancholy voice an echo buzzing around in my brain. All those strings and notes tugging at my heart and soul, a longing never to be fulfilled. And there we all stood in awe of all that beauty, within reach and unattainable to the likes of us all and not for lack of money, but for lack of skill. So... FUCK IT, we went to the cigar shop next door and off my neighbor went again.

Eventually I caught up with him back at the coat store. He looked a little surprised to see me and said, "Seems they took the ink out. Um..." I stared at the spot where the ink marks had been and without hesitation, without even blinking said, "Okay, I'll take it." and literally thew my card at the woman's face...poked her in the eye a little. Okay, no, I tossed it on the counter and it kind of flip flopped accidentally. I think as I threw my card down a small turd emerged from my anus, though I could be mistaken... could have been bigger. He looked a little nervously at me and I said, "WHAT?"

"Well.... You kind of stole my surprise. I was going to get the coat for you." he said sheepishly.

"What the... are you crazy? That's expensive, NO...no way." some where deep in the crevices of my skull several voices emerged sounding like this:

Schizo Voice #1: Holy...

Schizo Voice #2: Rainbow 6 here I come...

Schizo Voice #3: What an idiot, shut the fuck up. I want the coat, I want the game...I WANT IT ALL!!!

Schizo Voice #4: FUCK ME... FUCK..... FUUUUUUUUCK...... * sobbing * FFFFFFFFUUUUUCK!

It was deep I tell you...real deep in my brain. Honest.... deep as fuck I say. Still, at least I got my 15% discount so it wasn't all that bad. We left and he told me that maybe he'd just get that other coat for Rigid then. I tried my best to dissuade him, but he looked a little hurt and though I still didn't agree I let him run off again a little while later when I went for a cigarette break. Rigid went looking for him after a short while and found Hollywood (our mysterious UPS neighbor guy) walking out with the coat he'd tried on earlier. He was pleasantly surprised to find that the coat he knew he couldn't afford was now his.

And that's why I don't have Rainbow 6: V2.

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