Thursday, May 29, 2008

ran away from my life once

A Rainy May Day
i think i'm having issues. maybe it was the rain.

sometimes it's difficult to get anything out. other times it's much easier than you might think. i think today is one of those days where it's just too hard. there's nothing going on right now. other than the impending exam i scheduled recently. i have to schedule my class date as well and though i feel ready enough to take this exam i still feel as though i'm destined to fail.

not fun to think about. so i think i keep on filling up my days with as much nonsense as i possibly can in the hopes that i'll be able to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. i don't like this feeling, but i can't escape it either. try as i might.

the last few days have been okay despite the small struggles. rigid and i have synced really well together. it's like something happened somewhere along the way. the less i allowed us to hang out with my family the better we got along. that's difficult for me to admit, but well...not really. i understand, and the same thing happened to me in my last marriage. i think they thought it was my husbands fault that i didn't interact with them more, but they were wrong. it was because of me. i, for some strange reason, seemed to have forgotten.

but i remember now, i remember why i ran away from home, why i moved in with my boyfriend at 18 and why i got married shortly thereafter.

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