My stomach is hurting. It's late and I want to go to bed, but I normally write to him before I fall asleep. Today I'm just not in the mood. I don't know why, but I feel a little angry. Maybe I'm just a little sad. It's his birthday and I didn't do anything fun. I ment to go buy a fun dinner and maybe a nice dessert or a cake. I was going to do a quick video with me singing happy birthday in the background.
Yeah, I had it all planned out in my head. Unfortunately these cramps got the better of me and eventually didn't do any of the things I wanted to do. I just came home. Now my stomach is gurgling and it's because I ate too much garbage. I annoy myself. I think I do it on purpose.
People keep asking me over and over again when Rigid is coming back. I've had a few more people tell me how brave I am or how brave he is. It's funny, I'm pretty sure if he was a fireman or police officer people wouldn't be constantly reminding me how much danger he's in. I mean, he's not even in any danger and they're already reacting like it's the most horrible thing in the world. I'm sure I must have done the same at some point in my life. You know, that ignorant thing people do when they're not in your shoes.
Doesn't matter. It's almost over. It's almost time to see him again and the very next day he'll be coming home. I wonder if anyone things I'm taking this all very well. I mean, I wonder if I'm handling this as gracefully as one might expect. Do I act as if I don't care or it doesn't bother me? Do I over react and get too emotional in public? I don't think so.
There have been times when I've gamed with my friends on Xbox and I had either been crying before or during a game. I know they don't know how painful this has been for me. Well, I know most of them are smart enough not to touch on the subject too much with me. Most of us know each other on a more personal level than say a co-worker or even my own family sometimes.
No, I know people can only imagine what this must feel like. You just never really know until you've been through it. I've never known this kind of loneliness. Not ever. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Regardless of what I feel now the excitement of the ceremony looms ahead of me and I can't wait to walk on that paved road to the National Infantry Museum again.
Rigid will be there, and I get to pin his blue cord on.
I can't wait.
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